


The Moment You Know (2015)

by IvanW



Series: Ivan's K/S Winter Holiday Collection [5]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Brief Cross-Dressing, Christmas, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gay, Halloween, Holidays, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Romance, Sexual Content, Thanksgiving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-08
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-04-25 10:59:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 27,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4957798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Over the Terran Holidays, Jim and Spock begin to discover deeper feelings between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's Beginning to Look Like October on the Enterprise

As Jim made his way to the medbay, he noticed his crew decorating the corridors and rec areas with pumpkins, skeletons, and witches. He’d approved the request to do so but it was still a little jarring to see the figure of a ghost by the door of the medbay. Tasteless, maybe? He imagined Bones grumbling about it now.

He liked Halloween all right. In fact the first time he’d had sex was with a girl on Halloween back in Riverside. A lifetime ago. The next few months he’d be inundated with Terran holidays. Though he didn’t particularly care for any of them, it helped with crew morale.

But now was not the time to think of celebrating holidays. He’d just barely beamed back aboard from a disastrous mission. Two security guards dead. And Lieutenant Uhura severely injured. It had been a hell of a battle and Jim was sore and achy all over. But at least he was upright.

He entered the medbay and immediately spotted Spock standing near the operating room, back to Jim, rigid and stiff.      

“Hey.” Jim put his hand on Spock’s back lightly. The Vulcan’s muscles tensed and Jim almost moved his hand, but instead he left it as a light pressure on the small of Spock’s back. “Are you okay?”

“As I understand the question the response is no,” Spock replied, softly.

“Bones says she’ll be all right.”

Spock nodded.

Jim blew out a breath, very slowly. “Do you need anything while you wait?” His gaze flicked around the medbay. “Something to eat? Tea?”

“There is nothing.”

“All right. There’s a chair there, if you want to sit.”

Spock shook his head.

Uhura was in surgery after she had been attacked by natives on the planet below. She’d been bleeding profusely when they’d beamed her aboard.

“I’ll get out of your way then.” Jim went to move away when Spock’s grabbed Jim’s hand, his fingers curving around Jim’s wrist. His gaze flew to Spock’s in surprise.

“I wish for you to stay.” Spock hesitated. “If you are not required on the bridge.”

“No, I’m not. Checked in already. Scotty’s there. Okay. Sure.” He went and secured another chair to sit in, for honestly he was feeling pretty lightheaded, and he fetched himself a cup of coffee besides. He sat. “Go on, Spock. You’ll give me a headache if you stand up.”

Spock dutifully sat, though Jim could see he was not particularly happy about it.

Jim blinked rapidly. The lightheadedness was getting worse. And God, it was hot in there. He’d have to talk to Bones about the temperature in the medbay.

“She was really brave,” Jim told Spock. “She put herself in front of another crew member.”

“That does not surprise me.”

“She’ll be all right.” Jim took a sip of the coffee but it didn’t sit well at all in his stomach. He put his hand to his belly. He stood to get rid of the coffee. He swayed a little, suddenly dizzy.

“Captain, are you all right?” Spock asked sharply.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just got up too fast or something.” He put the coffee down on a table. Lord he was sweating like crazy. It must be a million degrees in the medbay. He wiped his sleeve across his forehead and returned to his seat. “You guys are doing all right, then, huh?”

“Captain?”

“You and Uhura. There was some gossip that you guys weren’t together anymore.”

Spock didn’t glance his way. “You should know better than to listen to idle speculation, Captain.”

“I don’t. Not usually actually.” Jim smiled. “Good to know it wasn’t true anyway.”

That would teach him to pay any attention to the crew’s personal lives. What they all did when Jim wasn’t around was not his business. Right? Okay, so Spock wasn’t just any crewmember. Hell, even Uhura wasn’t. Since their less than stellar beginning they’d become friends. Ish. Friendsish. As long as he could keep himself from ogling her boyfriend that was.

He was practicing the fine art of subtlety. He thought he was succeeding. Except for maybe how touchy feely he was with Spock. But it wasn’t like Spock told him not to touch him or anything. Right?

“Fuck me.”

“Captain?”

Jim smiled. “I said that out loud?”

Spock quirked a brow.

“It’s just really hot in here. Insanely.” Jim pulled his shirts away from his skin.

“You do not look well, Captain.” Spock studied him. “Were you checked by medical personnel?”

“No need.”

Bones stepped out of the operating room at that exact moment and both Spock and Jim stood.

“Bones?”

Bones smiled a little “Uhura’s going to be just fine. Surgery went well. She’ll be moved to a private area in the medbay shortly. You can see her now, Spock, if you’d like.”

“Thank you, doctor.” Spock disappeared into the room.

Bones’ gaze narrowed on Jim. “You look terrible.”

“I love you too, Bones.”

“I’m serious, Jim. What the hell? You need rest. And food. And rest.”

“You’re repeating yourself.”

“Jim—”

“I know. Spock wanted me to stay.”

“Well, I order you to your quarters. Take a shower, go to bed. Eat something. Well, not in that order. Eat, shower, bed. There you go.”

Jim shook his head. “Glad you’re here to tell me these things.”

Bones rolled his eyes. “Go on. I need to deal with real patients.”

Jim blew Bones a kiss and left the medbay. If he was sort of staggering to the turbolift, no one seemed to notice. He frowned at a skeleton in the lift that looked all too real. He was already regretting telling the crew it was okay. By the time he made it to his quarters he was sweating profusely and his shirts were soaked through.

He decided to go right for the shower and it was going to be a water one. He stepped into his bathroom and peeled off his shirts. He frowned in the mirror at the giant bruise that covered most of his abdomen. There was that kick he’d taken down on the planet, and yeah it had hurt like a fucking son of a bitch, but Jesus. It looked really bad. He tentatively fingered it but it didn’t hurt. In fact now that he thought about it, he was kind of numb. Weird.

He finished undressing and as he stepped into the shower, he felt really woozy. He was obviously more tired than he’d even thought.

As he stood under the spray of water, his vision swam. He clutched the shower tiles. He turned the water cooler. He was still so hot. So hot.

By the time he was done with his shower, he had turned the water ice cold.

He hit his comm on his desk. “Kirk to the medbay.”

“Medbay.”

“Bones?”

“Yeah?”

“I think there’s something wrong with me.”

“What? I’ll be right there.”

Not wanting to be naked, Jim dressed in shorts and a tank top, having to stop frequently to deal with dizziness, and then made his way to his bed. He pitched forward face down into the mattress.


	2. Salt Creatures in the Medbay

Jim woke to the beeping and all around annoying sounds of medical equipment. Great. Medbay. No matter how hard he tried not to become a patient in the medbay, he always ended up there.

He turned his head to the right and grimaced. Directly in his vision was a ghastly hairy monster thing that really reminded him of that fucking salt creature that tried to suck him dry. And so not in a good way.

The creature was blocked by the sudden appearance of blonde bombshell, Christine Chapel. Much better than a monster.

“You’re awake,” she said cheerfully.

“What am I doing here?”

“Do you have memory loss?”

Jim frowned. “I don’t think so.”

“You lost blood. Internal bleeding. You really should have told Dr. McCoy about your injuries, Captain. He’s livid.”

She moved away to the foot of his bed, leaving him a view of the hairy monster thing again.

“Uh, Christine?”

“Yes, Captain?”

“Why is there a salt creature in the medbay?”

She stared at him from the end of his bed. “A what now?”

“That thing.” Jim pointed.

“It’s a Halloween decoration.” She pursed her lips.

“Yeah, I figured. But salt creatures and I don’t get along. Bad memories.”

“I don’t think he’s meant to be one of those, Captain.” She glanced at it. “But now that you mention it, it does resemble one. Should I move it?”

“I’d appreciate it.”

“Here’s Dr. McCoy.” She moved over to the monster and picked it up.

Bones glared down at him. “If you have any complaints about that, complain to yourself. You’re the one who agreed to let all these ghoulish things take up the ship.”

“I thought they’d post cute little Jack ’o Lanterns or something. Not the monster that tried to suck the life out of their captain.”

“Rule Number One: never trust anyone else to be reasonable.” Bones produced the biggest, fattest, ugliest hypospray Jim had ever seen.

“I hope you’re counting yourself in there. What the hell is that?”

“A pain killer.”

“I’m not in that much pain.”

“Stop whining.” Bones jabbed his neck.

“Ow! Damn, you enjoy that.”

“A bit. Well, Jim, you survived another bit of your own idiocy. Thanks to yours truly. How many times have I told you to come get checked after you return from a mission?”

“At least seven hundred.”

“And you’re still clueless.”

“Internal bleeding?”

Bones nodded. “I got it all closed up now. Why didn’t you tell anyone you’d been injured?”

“I forgot. I didn’t think it was like a real injury. I was kicked. I’ve been kicked before. How’s Uhura?”

“Much improved. I’ll release her in  a day or two. Spock’s with her now.”

“Good.” There was a dull ache in his heart that had little to do with his planetside injuries, but he pushed it away. He would not dwell on what could not be. “What’s my prognosis?”

“You’re in here for the next five days.”

“Wait, what? Five days?”

“Better not argue with me, Jim, or I’ll make it more. You had internal injuries, genius. I want to monitor you. Make sure you get plenty of rest. And nutrition.”

Jim narrowed his eyes. “This is about forcing me to eat and sleep.”

“Ding, ding, ding, ding. You win the prize, Jim. Now shut up and suffer. You’re my prisoner now.” Bones leaned down to pull a lever that raised Jim’s bed so that he was sitting up.

“You don’t even need to wear a costume to the Halloween Ball, Bones. You’re scary enough as it is.”

Bones cackled. “At last, at last. You figured it out.” He patted Jim’s chin. “Be right back, sugar.”

Jim closed his eyes but when he opened them again when he heard footsteps approach, rather than Bones standing by his bed, it was Spock. Looking Vulcan cool and collected. Any agitation he had felt on Uhura’s behalf was clearly gone. A good thing, Jim guessed.

“I thought you’d be with Uhura.”

“Nyota is sleeping. I have brought you something to eat.”

Jim smiled. “Great. I hope it’s a hamburger.”

Up shot the eyebrow. “Negative.” He handed Jim a hard plastic cup.

Jim peered into the cup. “What the hell is this?”

“Chicken broth.”

“Wait. What? Chicken broth?”

“Actually, I believe it is chicken flavored broth,” Spock replied. “Which, of course, casts into doubt whether any actual chickens were used.”

Jim sniffed it. “Seriously? Where’s like the burger and fries?”

“You are recovering from internal injuries. Dr. McCoy thought it best you begin your recovery with liquids.”

“He’s totally getting knocked off my Christmas list.”

“Christmas list?”

“Yeah, my list of who is worthy of presents from me. “ Jim sniffed the broth again and then took a tentative sip. He grimaced. “About what I expected.”

“I wish to discuss a matter of importance with you, Captain.”

Jim nodded absently as he took several more sips. “Ship’s business?”

“In a matter of speaking.”

“Okay, shoot.”

“Your continual lack of regard for your own welfare is distressing.”

“For who?”

“The crew,” Spock said. “They admire you. Look up to you as their leader. To have you continuously take needless chances—”

“Is this about the mission? Because really. It wasn’t a needless chance. We went down there on a peaceful survey mission, Spock. All our information indicated the species down there were friendly. You can ask Uhura. All of that took us completely by surprise.”

“Perhaps,” Spock allowed. “But if you had stayed behind on the ship you would not have encountered the hostility.”

“Blah, blah, blah,” Jim said with a wave of his hand and a tiny smile. “Our business here is to seek out new forms of life and to boldly go. Not to sit on my ass in the captain’s chair like some king on a throne. I appreciate your concern, Mister Spock, really, but I’m fine. Everything worked out well.”

“Except for your internal bleeding which you refused to inform anyone about.”

“Now that’s not actually true. Because here I am. I did comm Bones.”

Spock opened his mouth to retort and then abruptly closed it. Jim nodded in satisfaction as he took another sip of the broth.

“I must be really fucking hungry because this crap is actually beginning to taste good.” He grinned at Spock, batting his lashes. “You wouldn’t want to get me some coffee, would you?”

“No coffee,” Bones announced, reentering the area around Jim’s biobed. “You need rest and coffee will keep you up. Herbal tea.”

“Herbal…”

“Or water,” Bones cut in.

“I don’t like water.”

“Water is water,” Spock said. “What is there to dislike?”

“I’ll have the tea,” Jim muttered.

Spock turned to the replicator.

Bones eyed Jim’s reading. “I still don’t like your vitals. How are you feeling?”

“Tired, weak, and grumpy.” Jim frowned. “And hungry. When do I get to eat real food?”

“I’ll bring you some pudding in a little bit.”

“Pudding? Jesus. I’m not a damn kid.”

Bones smirked. “Sure, you aren’t, darling.”

Spock thrust a cup of tea at Jim and he thrust the empty broth cup back at Spock.

Bones glanced at Spock. “What are you doing here, anyway?”

“I came to ascertain the state of the captain.”

“Why?” Bones asked.

Spock blinked at Bones. “Because he is my commanding officer.”

“Uh-huh.”

“And he is my…friend.”

Bones snorted. “Keep telling yourself that, Spock.”

“Doctor?”

“Leave Spock alone, Bones.”

Bones wagged a finger at Jim. “It’s time for you to go to sleep again.”

“I just woke up.”

“Didn’t you say you were tired and weak?”

“Well.” Jim nodded. “Yeah.”

“Sleep.” Bones grabbed the tea out of his hands.

“Hey, I was drinking that.”

“Later.” Bones came toward him with another enormous hypospray.

“Wait, I don’t—”

****

Jim didn’t know how long he’d slept when he woke again but when he turned his head to the right there was the hairy monster that looked like the salt creature in his vision again. Only this time someone had put a bat next to him. And a table with a Jack ‘O Lantern.

He sighed and closed his eyes, deciding it was best to go to sleep again.   


	3. Simple Touches

Spock was on his way to see the captain in the medbay when Nyota hailed him in the corridor. He noticed she was wearing her uniform.

“You have been released for duty?”

She smiled and nodded. “A short time ago. It’s a good thing too. Was going crazy. Where are you off to?”

“It was my intention to visit the captain.”

“The captain?” She teased. “Not Jim?”

“I fail to see—”

“Spock, I’m kidding. Maybe I’ll go with you. I want to see how he is.” She pursed her lips. “I wanted to talk to you about the Halloween Ball.”

“I intend to be scheduled for shift that day.”

“What? Oh no. We’re going to go dressed together.”

“Dressed?”

She nodded. “In costumes.”

“Nyota, I do not wish to be displayed in a costume.”

“Are you sure? I bet Jim will be wearing one.”

Spock straightened. “That has naught to do with me. Vulcans do not play dress up and pretend.”

“Oh, you’re going. I’m going to be Little Red Riding Hood and you’ll be the Big Bad Wolf.” She took his arm and started pulling him down the corridor. Spock immediately raised his shields against the barrage of her emotions. He did not like to be touched by species with such blatant emotions without his shields in place.

Even when he and Nyota had been romantically involved, Spock kept his shields up.

“Stop fussing at me.”

The captain sounded angry as they entered the medbay and approached his biobed that had been cordoned off from the rest of the medbay.

Dr. McCoy was hovering over a scowling captain and Nurse Chapel was standing to the side looking fretful.

Jim glanced at Spock and Nyota. His expression was closed off and very captain-like. “Commander, Lieutenant.”

“Jim, you need to—”

“Doctor, don’t you have any other patients to tend to besides me?” Jim narrowed his eyes.

McCoy visibly tensed and then straightened. “Yes, _Captain_ , I do.”

“Bones,” Jim said as soon as the doctor moved to turn away.

“I know.” The doctor’s tone instantly softened. “Your vitals are all over the place. I don’t like it. But I’ll come back in a little bit. With some mashed potatoes.” He squeezed Jim’s shoulder.

Jim’s smile was strained, but it was a smile. Then he looked at Nurse Chapel “That thing is back.”

“Captain?” She handed him a cup.

“The salt creature.”

She glanced over her shoulder and Spock followed her gaze. “Sorry about that, Captain. I’ll get rid of it. Someone’s idea of a joke, I suppose.”

She grabbed the decoration and hauled it away.

Spock arched a brow. “That Halloween decoration did not look like the creature who survived on salt, Captain.”

Jim's eyes were hooded as he sipped the water Chapel had given him. “Close enough.”

Spock opened his mouth to refute it, but Nyota spoke up. “How are you feeling, Captain? You look pale.”

And it was true. Jim did look pale. And there were dark smudges under his eyes. Spock moved closer to Jim.

“Craptastic, actually. My head is killing me. And I’m tired of broth and pudding.”

“You have not been resting,” Spock said, realizing his tone was accusatory. But he noticed a PADD on a table next to the captain’s bed. “How did you obtain that contraband?”

Jim snorted. “It’s not contraband, Spock. I had Yeoman Rand bring it to me. I was bored.”

“Nevertheless, I will confiscate it.” Spock leaned over the captain to reach for the PADD. If he touched a tiny patch of bare stomach skin as he did so, well, it was not his fault the captain’s medbay shirt rode up.  

“Guys:”

“Like hell you will. Damn it, Spock, you’ll take that over my dead body.” Jim was batting his hands at Spock.

“Guys!” Nyota said louder.

Jim’s fingers closed around Spock’s wrist, his touch like a brand on Spock’s skin. They both froze and stared at each other. But Jim didn’t let go and Spock didn’t pull away.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake. I give up. I hope you feel better, Captain. I’m going on shift.” Nyota walked away.

Spock pulled away from Jim, not at all reluctantly, of course. He straightened. “Did Dr. McCoy approve your use of a PADD?”

“I’m the captain not Bones.” Jim glanced around, then lowered his voice. “He said it was okay.”

Dr. McCoy appeared seemingly out of nowhere. “That was before you had a relapse.”

Spock tried to tamp down his alarm but it was unsuccessful. “A relapse?”

“That’s an exaggeration, Bones.”

McCoy frowned as he handed the captain a bowl of a white fluffy substance. “Here are your mashed potatoes. His vitals are all higher than they should be and his antibodies aren’t working like they should. He also has a fever.”

“Just a teensy one,” Jim said, delving into the mashed potatoes.

“He’s also got a headache and is really grouchy.”

Jim frowned. “Hey I don’t have to be sick to be grouchy.”

The doctor smirked. “Finally the truth comes out.” He produced a hypospray. “For your headache. Won’t hurt, I promise.”

Jim nodded, but his gaze was on Spock as McCoy injected his neck. “Sorry about before. How’s Uhura feeling?”

“Much improved. She was cleared for duty.”

“That doesn’t seem fair,” Jim grumbled. “She was hurt worse than me. How come I’m still here?”

“She wasn’t hurt worse. Your injuries aren’t a competition, Jim,” McCoy said. Then he reached over and put his hand on Jim’s head. His tone turned very gentle. “As soon as you finish that, I want you to try to sleep, okay? The sooner you get rest, the sooner you can get out of here.”

Spock felt a pang of illogical jealousy at their intimacy. He knew they were just friends. Spock knew that from his many conversations with both of them. And yet, they had a closeness Spock did not seem to have with Jim.

“All right,” Jim replied.

McCoy smiled and then stepped away. “I’ll check on you later. Spock, make sure when he’s done, he’s left to rest.”

Spock did not reply, but he did move closer to the captain.

“How’s the ship?”

Spock had grown to hate that question. It was a completely legitimate question for a captain to ask his first officer. Yet whenever Jim asked it, Spock thought of his time in the warp core.

“It is functioning at optimal performance.”

“Okay,” Jim nodded. He continued to eat the mashed potatoes and Spock continued to watch him. The fact that Spock always watched the captain was never commented on by either of them, but Spock was aware it was entirely illogical to have the captain be such a focus of his attention.

When he finished the potatoes, Spock took the bowl from him and got rid of it.

“Now, as per the doctor’s orders, you are to rest.”

“I’m not really tired.”

“Captain.”

“Fine. It’s just so damn boring in here.” Jim licked his lips. “I hate it.”

“You will not be in here for long.” Spock found himself wanting to touch Jim. To reassure him somehow. His aversion to touching other humans did not seem to apply to Jim. “Do you wish for me to lower the bed so that you may lay flat?”

“Sure, yeah. Thanks, Spock.”

“It is no matter.” Spock leaned down to work the lever that lowered the biobed. When he straightened, Jim was staring at him intently, his blue eyes prominent in his too pale face. Before he could let logic stop him, Spock brushed his knuckles along Jim’s left cheek. There was a hitch of breath and Spock wondered if it was from him or Jim. “I am needed on the bridge and you are to rest.” He stepped back. Keeping a respectable distance between them.

“See you later, Mister Spock?”

“Yes, Captain.”


	4. I Need a Lullaby, A Kiss Goodnight

Matters requiring his attention kept Spock from returning to the medbay until late the following day and therefore he was admittedly shocked when the captain’s bed was empty. He stared at the empty biobed for ten point three seconds, attempting to get his bearings.

“Mister Spock? Are you looking for Captain Kirk?” Nurse Chapel asked, coming up to him.

Spock barely avoided saying, “obviously”. “Indeed.”

“Dr. McCoy released him about a half an hour ago.”

He arched a brow. “Was that wise?”

She smiled. “You know the captain better than anyone,” she said cryptically and walked away.

Spock was not so certain he knew the captain that well, but he went in search of Dr. McCoy for some answers. He found the irascible doctor in his office, scowling at his terminal as though merely glaring at it would correct its misdeeds.

“Doctor.”

McCoy turned his glare on Spock. “Are you sick?”

“I am not. I came to inquire after the captain.”

“I released him.”

“So I was informed. Given your earlier findings concerning his relapse I admit to being perplexed.”

“Have you met Jim?”

“I fail to see the relevance in your question, but of course I have.”

McCoy snorted. “He’s the worse patient anyone ever had. Trust me. I had enough of his whining. It was either release him or sedate him.”

“Given his condition I would have expected sedation was the proper treatment.”

“This may come as a shock to you, Spock, but I actually am a doctor.”

Spock nodded. “I have reviewed your medical credentials at length, doctor, so I am well aware of that.”

The doctor sighed. “His fever was gone and his vitals back to normal. I gave him some shots and told him to be off for forty-eight hours. Now if you don’t mind, I’m filing medical reports that have to be done before I can get a couple hours of sleep myself.”

Recognizing a dismissal, Spock nodded curtly and left the medbay.

And headed straight for Jim’s quarters.

Since he walked with singular purpose he reached the deck with the officers’ quarters with very little delay.

He buzzed for entry.

No response.

Buzzed again.

After a long pause in which he was about to buzz again, the door slid open.

“Hello Spock,” Jim said immediately. He was standing near the door wearing a pair of sweatpants and a very tight see-through T-shirt. There were no socks on his feet. In his hands was a cup of what smelled like coffee.

Spock stepped inside. The door closed after him. “Captain, you have orchestrated your premature release.”

Jim smiled crookedly. “Nah. It wasn’t premature.”

“I disagree.”

“Well.” Jim shrugged. “What can I do for you, Mister Spock?”

“Since I was intending to visit you in the medbay and you are not there, I came to check on you.”

“You’re so judgy judgy.”

“I am unfamiliar with that term.”

“Sit down.” Jim gestured to his large sofa. “Since you’re here you may as well keep me company.”

Spock had no wish to leave so he took the offered seat and was pleased when Jim joined him there, close to where Spock sat. “You are bored.”

“Yeah. I’m not supposed to really do anything. Not even reports. It’s how I managed to wheedle my way out of the medbay. I guess I’ll have to read or something. I played chess but I beat the computer three times in a row. Time to reprogram it.”

“You are a highly accomplished player, Captain. As far as I know, I am the only one who ever defeats you and even that is not guaranteed.”

“Yeah.” Jim sighed and leaned back on the sofa. Spock watched as he swallowed. His Adam’s apple sliding down his throat.

It was certainly not that Spock was staring transfixed.

“Let’s talk about something else. How about the Halloween Ball?”

Spock noticed Jim had no decorations around his quarters. In fact, Jim’s quarters had always struck Spock as bare and non-personal. There were a couple of old books on a shelf, but other than that there were no wall coverings, artwork, or holo-pics like Spock was used to seeing in other crew quarters. He had more personal items in his own than Jim did.

“I did not believe you were very sentimental about Terran holidays.”

“I’m not.”

“Yet you approved the celebration of several for the coming months beginning with All Hallows Eve.”

“It’s in the command handbook, Spock.”

“I am aware of no such handbook.”

Jim turned his head which had been resting on the back of the sofa to look at Spock. His eyes were saturated blue and they caused a yearning in Spock he wished he could deny. His lips curved into a smile that those of other species would surely be affected by. Vulcans, however,--

“Not specifically, no. But there are rules about these things. Crew morale and all that. And since I’m not particularly offended by them, I saw no harm in allowing the celebrations.”

“Yet you do not celebrate them yourself. Ordinarily.”

“They usually involve gatherings of family and friends, neither of which I’ve ever had a lot of.” Jim shrugged. He straightened and took a sip of his coffee. “I don’t suppose your mother ever had you participate in Terran holidays?”

“She did not,” Spock admitted. “My father was not very encouraging in that regard. Since she agreed to live a life on Vulcan, raising a Vulcan son, very little Terran traditions were practiced.”

“So, maybe we should go in costume as each other,” Jim said with a grin. “I could wear one of your blue uniform shirts, maybe use some sort of hair dye, though I’m not cutting my hair like yours. Maybe some makeup to make my ears look pointy. And you…you could wear one of my shirts. Be captain for a few hours.”

Spock felt uneasy and he could not have said why. “Nyota has already expressed an interest in our dressing in coordinated costumes.”

“Oh.” Jim licked his lips, nodded. “Okay.”

His expression had closed off in a way Spock could not have pinpointed but it was very noticeable to him.

“Jim, if I had known you wanted to—”

Jim waved his hand in a chopping motion. “No, no. Don’t worry about it. I should have realized anyway. What are you going as?”

Spock did not like the way his heart was pounding in his side. “Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf.”

“Good choice.”

“You are still welcome to borrow one of my uniform shirts,” Spock offered.

“Nah, I’ll think of something. Don’t worry about it.”

But of course Spock would worry about it because Jim was unhappy and clearly trying to hide it and Spock did not like it when Jim was unhappy.

At all.

“Jim, I have upset you.”

“What? No. No.” Jim smiled. “It’s fine, Spock. It was just an idea I threw out there. It’s not something I care about. I promise. I’ll probably only put in a short appearance anyway. Because like you said holidays are not my thing.”

Spock was hardly satisfied. Jim’s whole posture had changed. Spock could not figure out why. His words were false, that much Spock knew.

Jim suddenly sagged against the sofa. He rubbed his eyes. “I’m kind of tired.”

“You need to sleep. You are doing too much.”

“Not really. But I do think I need to lie down.”

Spock stood immediately and reached over to grasp Jim to help him to his feet.

“Spock, I can do it myself.”

“I disagree.”

Jim huffed out a breath that whooshed across Spock’s face. He smelled of coffee and cream and vanilla. The lust that suddenly hit Spock shocked him to his core. Yes, he wanted his captain. Jim. He already knew how important the younger man was to him. He had tender and protective feelings for Jim that he had for no other. But now he also realized everything he wanted from Jim was much more complicated than he had imagined.

But now was not the time to explore these deeper feelings. Jim looked too pale.

“Come, I will assist you to your bed.”

“Anyone ever tell you that you’re worse than Bones?”

“No. And do not say so again.” Spock got his captain over to the bed and watched as Jim lay flat. “Should I send for the doctor?”

“Hell no. I’m just a little tired. No big deal.”

“Should I stay?”

“And do what” Jim snorted. “I don’t need a watch dog.”

“Very well.” Spock wanted to stay. But he could think of no good reason to do so if Jim did not want him there. “I will check on you later.”

Jim nodded. “See you.”

Spock reached down and brushed a lock of hair that had fallen across the captain’s forehead. He pulled his hand back quickly when he saw the confusion in Jim’s eyes. “Sleep well, Captain.”


	5. Beauty and the Beast

 “So, what are you going as for this stupid ball?” Bones asked Jim at breakfast in the mess.

“Your enthusiasm is contagious, Bones,” Jim cracked.

“Well, forgive me if I think this whole thing is horn-brained.”

Jim shook his head. “Whatever that means. I don’t know. Maybe nothing.”

Bones scowled. “Listen, if I gotta play dress up, so do you.”

Jim picked up his coffee cup, ignoring his half-eaten rubbery waffles. “What are you going as then?”

“Ggilla.”

“What?”

“A gorilla.”

Jim burst out laughing. But when Bones glowered, he said quickly, “I’m sure you’ll make a fine gorilla.”

“Damn right I will. Is Spock going as a hobgoblin?”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Funny. No, he’s going in some couple costume thing with the ball and chain. Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf.”

“Isn’t that just the sweetest thing?” Bones said sarcastically.

“Yeah, it’s something.”

Bones pushed Jim’s breakfast plate closer to him. “You should finish that.”

“They’re gross.”

Bones sighed. “Maybe you should go as Granny.”

“Huh?”

“You know Red Riding Hood’s Granny. The one she’s bringing the food to. Then the Big Bad Wolf will eat you.” Bones smirked.

“Fat chance, Bones. I’m not going as some old lady. If I go as a chick, she’s gonna be one hot mess, I can tell you that right now.”

“Hey!”

Jim frowned and looked around. But he didn’t see anyone. “Hey what?”

“Hey, genius! That’s what you should go as. A lady.”

“Get real. I was kidding.”

“I wasn’t. Listen, I have this red dress. Kind of Chinese looking. All satiny. Think they call it a cheongsam.”

Jim raised his eyebrows. “Is there something you’ve been wanting to tell me, Bones?”

“You’re hilarious. I’ve never worn it. But there’s this dark wig and everything.” Bones blushed. “Never mind how I have it. I just do. And I think it’s perfect for you.”

“You’re actually insane.”

“You’re wearing it. The night of the ball, I’m coming to your quarters and we’ll get ready together.”

****

“Come in,” Jim called when his door chimed.

He was expecting Spock. He was still off duty, per Bones, and he’d sent Spock a message asking his first officer if he wanted to play chess. He had half-expected Spock to say no, but to his surprise Spock had accepted.

He was just putting out coffee for him and tea for Spock when his door had chimed.

Jim was a little taken aback to see Spock had changed out of his uniform into a rather austere black robe. He’d seen Vulcans wearing similar clothing before, but not Spock. He tried to remember a time when he’d seen Spock out of his uniform. Other than maybe in the medbay or on an away mission. He could not recall.

“I got you tea,” Jim said, because he really couldn’t think of anything to say. He was thrown by Spock in a robe.

“I appreciate it,” Spock replied, taking his seat in front of the chess game.

Jim sat too and realized he was probably staring rather pointedly. But, damn. Spock looked hot. Okay, sure. Spock always looked hot. But…well.

“You are looking better.”

It took Jim a full thirty seconds to process what Spock said. “Am I?”

Spock nodded. “Your color is returning.”

“Good.” He guessed. He searched for a safe topic. “How’s the ship?”

But Spock’s lips thinned in a way that told Jim it was not an entirely safe topic. “It is functioning. I assure you, Captain, if there were any issues, you would be the first to know.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Sorry.”

“An apology is unnecessary.”

Jim didn’t reply, just made his first move. A moment later Spock did the same.

“Have you decided on a costume for the celebration?” Spock asked into the silence.

“Hmm. Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“Well, Bones thinks I have.”

“Clarify.”

“The costume is his idea. I’m just not totally onboard with it yet.”   

“What is it?”

Jim smiled. “Well, see, Spock, if I do wear it, I want it to be a surprise.”

Spock frowned minutely. “Yet Dr. McCoy knows it.”

“Can’t help that. He’s the one who came up with it.”

Spock nodded. “I see. It is your move, Captain.”

Jim surveyed the board and made his move. There was something weird in Spock’s tone. “You aren’t jealous of Bones, are you?”

“Explain.”

“Of my friendship with Bones.”

Spock arched a brow. “Vulcans do not experience jealousy.”

“Oh. Right.”

“Except for perhaps in regards to a mate.”

Well, that was plain enough. Jim smiled. He was good at smiling even when he didn’t feel like smiling. “Okay, so your answer is no. Good to know. Honestly, Bones and I are pretty close.”

Spock stiffened slightly as he moved his chess piece. “Indeed.”

“We’ve been through a lot together. He’s my closet friend,” Jim admitted. “Sometimes my only friend.”

“I was under the impression I am your friend.”

“Oh, you are, Spock. Now. You weren’t always, though. Hell, there was a time you hated me.”

Spock frowned again. “I have never hated you, Jim.”

Jim snorted. “Right.” Then he waved his hand. “I know, Vulcans don’t feel hate.”

Spock slowly shook his head. “I once believed that. However recent events involving Nero and Khan have proven otherwise.”

The smile slipped form Jim’s face and he lowered his gaze to the board. “Yeah.”

“Hate could not be farther away from how I feel about you, Jim,” Spock said quietly.

“I know. I was making a stupid joke. Sorry.”

“You are unexpectedly melancholy tonight,” Spock said after another moment of silence. “It is something I have said or done?”

“No. It’s your move.”

“Actually I moved already. It is yours.”

“Oh.”

“Jim?”

“Uh-huh?”

“Perhaps you are not in the correct frame of mind for chess tonight.”

“Yeah. Maybe.” He leaned back in his chair. “You’re wearing a robe.”

If Spock was surprised by the non sequitur he did not show it. “Yes, I had been meditating and chose not to redress in my uniform. If that offends you—”

“Offends me?” Jim smiled. “No. Not at all. You can come in whatever makes you comfortable. Naked if you want.”

When Spock blinked at him, Jim ran his sentence back in his head and realized what he’d said. Lord, he was such an idiotic.

He laughed. “Well, you know what I mean. I don’t expect you to walk around the ship naked or anything.”

“I am pleased to hear that,” Spock said dryly.

“Yeah. Anyway.” He laughed again. “That sounded better in my head. Come to think of it. A lot of things do.” He yawned.

“And I believe that is my cue to leave.” Spock stood.

“Nah, you don’t have to.” But he stood too. And he kind of hoped Spock would leave. He was far too interested in what was under that robe of Spock’s than he should be.

“You clearly require rest. Dr. McCoy would have my head if you suffer a relapse.”

“Perhaps,” Jim acknowledged. He walked Spock to the door. He licked his lips as he stared at Spock’s backside. Not that it was terribly discernible under the robe. “Night, Spock.”

“Goodnight.”

Spock said something in Vulcan that Jim didn’t quite catch, not that he could speak it anyway, but before he had a chance to ask Spock what he’d said, the Vulcan was gone.


	6. Simple Feelings

“I have romantic feelings for the captain.”

Nyota looked up from the game she was playing on her PADD. Her work PADD. Spock did not particularly approve of using Starfleet issued PADDs for recreational purposes, though he was aware Nyota was hardly the only one using it thusly.

“Shouldn’t you call him Jim then? Or James at least?”

He recognized the teasing glint in her eyes. “You do not seem particularly surprised.”

“Spock, when it comes to Kirk, you’re pretty transparent. I’ve known for a long time you were madly in love with him.”

“I do not believe there is any particular madness involved.”

She rolled her eyes and put down her PADD. They were currently in her quarters. Even though they were no longer romantically involved, Spock spent a lot of time still in her company. Out of habit and friendship. She went to her synthesizer and got both of them cups of tea.

“Honestly, I think I knew you loved him as far back as Khan.”

“Did I? Did you?”

She shrugged. “Maybe before. You and I were having trouble before that. You know how I felt about your decision to just die in that volcano.”

“It was never my intention to cause you distress,” Spock stated.

“I know that, Spock. But you’ve always been a bit more worried about how Kirk will react than me. It took me a while to get it, but I finally did.”

“I did not know I loved him,” Spock said softly.

“It just took you a little longer to recognize it. What are you going to do about it now that you know?”

“I am attempting to ascertain whether it is possible Jim returns my regard.”

“That’s tricky,” Nyota acknowledged. “As you know, he’s a bit of a player.”

Spock knew Jim’d had multiple sexual partners, though, he did not like to focus on that. He fully intended to talk Jim into monogamy should their relationship be mutually desired.

“I’m pretty sure he likes you. A lot. There are little hints of it, but he’s been too subtle. Which I have to admit surprises me coming from him.” 

“He did wish to go in matching costumes to the ball,” Spock advised her.

“Yeah? What did you say?”

“That I was already going with you.”

Nyota sighed. “Wrong answer. Spock, you should have said okay.”

“But you had already advised you wished to go together.”

“Yeah, but this is Kirk. I would have understood.” She shook her head. “Can you tell him you changed your mind?”

Spock thought about it. “I do not believe so. He advised that Dr. McCoy had chosen a costume for him.”

“That’s too bad.” She sat on her bed, folding her legs up under her. “You need to spend more time with him, Spock. In fact, what the hell are you doing in here with me?”

“You indicated a desire to have tea together,” Spock reminded her.

“What’s Kirk doing right now?”

“I do not know. I assume he is spending time with Dr. McCoy as he seems to spend most of his free time with the doctor.” Which did not bother Spock. Completely.

“Why aren’t _you_ spending time with him? “ She rolled her eyes. “Computer, locate Leonard McCoy.”

“Leonard McCoy is currently in the medbay.”

“Computer, locate Captain James Kirk.”

“James T. Kirk is on the observation deck.”

“There you see,” Nyota said triumphantly. “Did you even bother to check? They are not together and you’re missing an opportunity to get your man.”

Spock’s brows furrowed. “He is not _my_ man.”

“That’s because you’re in here wasting time with me!” She waved her hands at him. “Go, go. Go and see him on the observation deck.”

“Perhaps he wants to be alone.”

“He doesn’t. Stop making excuses and go.”

Spock went.

****

He found his captain standing next to a large observation window, his arms folded defensively in front of his chest. Judging by his body language alone, Jim did not seem approachable and for a moment Spock hesitated. Perhaps Nyota had been wrong and he should not intrude.

But the decision was taken from him.

“Did you need something, Commander?”

Not a very positive start, Spock realized.

“If I am disturbing you, I apologize.”

Jim did not reply for several seconds and Spock was about to turn away.

“You aren’t.”

Spock took a step closer. “You are deep in thought.”

“Rankin passed away today.” Jim paused. “In the medbay.”

Ensign Rankin had been injured on a recent away mission. He had seemed to be all right, recovering from his injury, and two nights earlier, he had reported to the medbay saying he was not feeling well.

“An infection, Bones said.”

“That is unfortunate.”

There was a tiny twitch of Jim’s jaw but he did not scold or berate Spock for his seeming insensitivity as Dr. McCoy would have. Spock had come to realize that Jim accepted much more of who and what Spock truly was without judgment. Most he served with did not react the same way to Spock.

“He was a good kid,” Jim said softly.

“He was a most excellent officer,” Spock agreed.

“Yeah.” The captain sighed. “I was writing to his parents just now before I came here. Basically that’s all I said. He was a good kid and an excellent member of Starfleet. Do you think Starfleet defines us, Spock?”

“In some ways, yes. It is our careers and it is inescapable that we are judged by them. But it is not all there is to any of us, Jim. The young ensign included.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Jim turned to look at Spock for the first time since Spock came upon him. “I found his Halloween costume in his quarters.”

Spock waited for Jim to continue.

But Jim just shook his head. “Sometimes life really sucks, Spock.”

Spock recalled that whenever Nyota wanted to offer him comfort she would embrace him. Vulcans were not exactly comfortable with hugs and he wasn’t sure Jim was either. He had only seen Jim accept hugs from the doctor and a couple of females. But Spock did want to offer comfort to Jim.

“I am uncertain what to say,” Spock said softly.

“I guess there’s nothing really. I don’t even know why I came here. Bones was working. And you-you were with Uhura. I didn’t feel like drinking. Not alone. Maybe not at all. And it made me realize something.”

“What?”

“I don’t really have a lot of friends. I mean, sure, I knew that, on some level. Yeah. But when you’re faced with the reality of it, well…yeah. Makes you kind of think what someone would say when you’re dead, you know.”

Spock went cold. “I do not intend to think about what to say about your death for a very long time.”

“Yes, I know, but—”

“No,” Spock cut in. “I will not discuss it.”

Jim blinked, clearly startled by Spock’s sharp tone.

Spock took a steadying breath, trying for calm. “Humans find hugs helpful, do they not?”

Jim frowned. “Uh. What?”

“Humans are comforted by embracing.”

“Some are. Some aren’t. Why?”

“Are you?”

Now Jim’s eyes narrowed. “Why?”

“I wish to know if it would be an acceptable way of offering comfort or if it would be a waste of time.” Spock was startled when Jim laughed. “Captain?”

“You really suck at this, you know that?” Jim shook his head, but he was smiling. He put his hand on Spock’s sleeve and he could feel Jim’s warmth even through the material of his shirts. “Come on. Let’s go to the mess and get a snack.”

“I am not particularly hungry.”

“I am, so shut up and come along.”

Spock arched a brow. “I am shutting up.”

“Then why are you still talking?” Jim burst out laughing, but as they walked out of the observation room, he still had his hand on Spock’s arm and Spock had no intention of telling him to remove it.


	7. The Return

“You’ve never tried real ice cream?” Jim asked, incredulous, as he dug his spoon into the fake strawberry flavored ice cream the computer had provided him.

Spock eyed the vanilla flavored ice cream in front of him in the mess room. “I have not.”

“Is it like forbidden or something?”

“There are some Vulcans who are vegan and therefore do not consume any animal products. However, while I am a vegetarian, I do not practice veganism.”’

“Uh-huh. I actually was thinking you know, like, forbidden to have pleasure or something.”

Spock arched a brow at him.

Jim smirked. “Well, it’s gotta be illogical somehow.”

“Logic has little to do with how food tastes.”

“Good to know. What do you think of that?”

Spock took a spoonful of the ice cream. “It is a pleasing consistency.”

“You really never had it when you were in San Francisco?” Jim shook his head.

“No. I never felt a particular need to try it,” Spock admitted.

“Well, this stuff is a poor substitute for sure. But it’s not bad.” Jim smiled. “You and Uhura never went for ice cream?”

“We did not.”

“That’s nuts, man. If you and I were going out, I’d totally take you for ice cream.” When Spock stared at him, Jim squirmed. What the hell was he saying shit like that for? “Um, well, you know. Whatever.” He took another couple of bites of his ice cream. “You two are the weirdest couple.”

Spock cleared his throat. “We were.”

Jim blinked. “You mean you aren’t weird anymore?”

“Negative. Actually, weird has many variable definitions. Which precisely are you using here?”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Never mind.”

“The point was, Captain, Nyota and I are no longer a couple. My intent was to use past tense.”

Jim’s heart began to race. Why, he didn’t know. Spock being without Uhura didn’t mean squat for him. So why was his pulse racing?

“When did this happen?”

“Two point three months ago,” Spock replied.

“Two point … well. That’s-that’s really interesting.” Jim set his spoon down. The rest of his ice cream forgotten. “And you never once thought to tell me? Hell, I even asked you about it!" 

Spock opened his mouth, then closed it.

“Well?”

“Vulcans do not share—”

“You’re seriously going to tell me Vulcans don’t share personal information with their friends? That’s the excuse you’re going to go with?” Jim sighed. “Just…forget it.” He pushed his chair back and rose. “I’ve had enough ice cream.”

“Captain, I—”

Jim rolled his eyes and started heading for the exit with Spock on his heels.

“Jim.”

“It’s fine, Spock.”

Spock said nothing else until they reached Jim’s quarters. Jim stopped outside of it and shook his head.

“You know what? It’s fine, really. I’m just always expecting more than you’re able to give. And that’s my fault, not yours.”

“No, Jim. I want—” Spock straightened, seemed to collect himself as an ensign walked past, eying them both. “May we?” Spock inclined his head toward the door.

“I’m pretty tired.” But something flashed across Spock’s face that made Jim sigh and turn to code in his access to his quarters.

Spock followed him in as the door slid shut.

“It was not my intention to be dismissive of our friendship,” Spock said quietly. “I value our friendship.”

Coming from Spock, that was a lot, so Jim smiled. “Yeah? Okay. I’m sorry. I guess I overreacted. I know you don’t talk about feelings and personal stuff very easily.” He searched Spock’s gaze. “Was it hard? Are you okay?”

“It was not ideal,” Spock said.

“She broke up with you?”

“Yes. Although I agreed it was the correct thing to do.”

Jim put his hands on Spock’s biceps, not even really thinking about it. He probably touched Spock too much really. But Spock never did seem to stop him.

“You seem to get along pretty well.”

“We do. Nyota is unlike anyone I have ever known. She is generous in her kindness.”

Jim smiled. “Are we talking about the same Uhura?” He laughed when Spock quirked his brow. “Okay. I get it. She has a soft spot where you’re concerned for sure.” He squeezed Spock’s arms. “Not that I blame her. I have a soft spot too.”

Spock blinked. “A soft spot?”

“Uh-huh. Maybe I just have a thing for pointy ears.” Jim released him. “Well, anyway, I guess the Halloween ball is tomorrow. Are you and Uhura ready with your costumes?”

“She-she has been working on them, so I assume so. And yours?”

“Bones is gonna help me I guess. I’ll probably shock you. Maybe even scare you.” Jim laughed.

“Is it a frightening costume, Captain?”

“Some might think so.”

There was a light tap on his door. With a shake of his head, he went to the door release to open it.

There standing right in front of his door was the Halloween decoration of the salt creature. Jim jumped ten feet, then swore.

Jim narrowed his eyes. “Son of a bitch.”

“Someone is playing a joke on you, Captain.”

“Yeah, I got that. And I swear I’m going to murder them.”

Spock went to the decoration and picked it up. “Is this what is known as a ‘trick’ then?”

“I guess. Get that thing out of my face, please.”

“As you wish, Captain. Good night.”

“Night, Spock.”

The door closed as Spock and the salt creature departed.

He really couldn’t wait for Halloween to be over.


	8. The Lady in Red

“This is seriously stupid,” Jim complained to Bones. “You can’t even zip this thing up!”

“Well, geez, Jim, did you maybe think it’s made for a slim woman instead of a—”

“You’d better finish that sentence with ‘a muscular captain’.”

Bones snorted behind him and continued to tug on the zipper of the satiny red cheongsam. “It’s no use, you’re too big.”

Jim clenched his jaw. “Does that mean I have to take it off now?”

“No, no. You’re wearing it. I’ll pin it here at the top. Who cares if someone can see your back anyway?”

Jim glanced behind him to see Bones reaching into his medical bag. “You got pins in there?”

“I’ve got everything in here.”

Bones was wearing the body suit of his gorilla costume. Jim had no idea where Bones got it and Jim didn’t ask. The head of the ape was sitting on Jim’s sofa since it was too hot to put on before the party, per Bones. His friend also said the visibility inside the head pretty much sucked.

“Don’t stab me with a pin,” Jim warned.

“That’s just what I’m gonna do,” Bones said sarcastically. “Turn around and face front and stand up straight.”

Jim did as Bones said just so the maniacal ape doctor didn’t stab him with a pin or worse, a hypo.

“Hey, Bones?”

“Mm.”

“Did you know Spock and Uhura broke up?”

“Mmhmm.”

Jim glanced back to see pins in Bones’ mouth.

“Smraight!”

Jim turned back around. Bones pinned the top closed.

“No, I didn’t,” Bones said, pins no longer in his mouth. “When did this happen?”

“A couple of months ago, I guess.”

“Well, they’re still thick as thieves.” Bones grasped Jim’s arms and turned him to face him. “It’s a good thing you don’t have an ugly back.”

“There’s nothing that’s ugly about me, Bones,” Jim said with a smile and a wink. “Except—”

“Your disposition. Yeah, yeah, I know.”

“How do I look?”

Bones frowned and adjusted the dark haired bob wig he’d earlier placed on Jim’s head. “You’re a goddamn hot woman, Jim.”

“Yeah?” Jim stepped away from the headless gorilla over to his mirror. He turned his head this way and that. Bones had already done his eye makeup, which he had to admit looked really good with his eyes. “Wow, I am a hot woman.”

“And so modest too.” Bones pulled out a dark red lipstick. “Pucker up, angel face.”

Jim puckered as Bones lined his lips and then applied the lipstick.

“That hobgoblin won’t be able to keep his eyes off you,” Bones announced.

Jim laughed. “I’m not trying to attract Spock’s notice or anything, Bones.”

“No?” Bones smirked. “Why the interest in his love life then?”

“He’s my first officer. I just want to be sure he can do all his duties without emotional compromise.”

“Even you don’t believe that. Anyway, does he seem particularly heartbroken over the breakup? Well, you know, if he actually has a heart beating in that tin-man body of his, that is.”

“No, he didn’t seem too upset but it’s not like Spock is going to sob in the hallways over his heartache, Bones.”

“True.” Bones wiped at the corner of Jim’s eyes. “Okay, I think you’re all set, Jim.”

“Good.” Jim eyed Bones. “Hey.”

“Now what?”

“You aren’t, you know, like trying to play tricks on me or anything, are you?”

“Tricks?”

“Yeah, you know trick or treat. That sort of thing.”

“You’re making less sense than usual. Spit it out.”

“Remember Nancy Crater?”

Bones stared at him. “Are you actually asking me if _I_ remember _my_ old girlfriend who turned out to be a damn salt sucking vampire thing?”

Jim winced. “Er, yeah. Stupid question. You okay, Bones?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. You asked me that twenty times months ago when it actually happened. What about all that, Jim?”

“Someone keeps trying to freak me out with a Halloween decoration that looks like that salt thing. It was in the medbay a couple of times and last night someone put it right outside my door. Thought maybe it was you.”

“Trust me, I’m the last one to joke about that. She almost killed you, Jim.”

“Well, I know that. I was craving salty foods for weeks after. I thought maybe you were thinking, laughter’s the best medicine or something.”

“Nope, not me. But now that I think about it, it is kind of funny. Are you jumping and screaming?” Bones grinned.

“No, I am not!”

Bones chuckled.

Jim narrowed his eyes. “Let’s go to this thing and get it over with. What’s next after this anyway?”

“Thanksgiving. You said we could have a big old feast with turkey and stuffing, all that.”

“Right. Well, I do like to eat. Spock won’t be thrilled with the turkey idea though.”

“He doesn’t have to eat it. Besides, it’s not like any of the stuff the computer generates actually is gonna taste like turkey.”

Jim nodded, clapping Bones on the shoulder as they left his quarters. “I was actually thinking about that. We’re due for some shore leave and if you remember, Risa has some pretty tasty wild turkeys they imported from Earth.”

“Thanksgiving on Risa? Oh, my God, Jim, you’re a goddamn genius.”

****

“I do not believe I look like a wolf, big bad or otherwise,” Spock commented to Nyota as they stepped into the rec room which had been turned into the Halloween ball. It was decorated with various Earth traditional so-called frightening items such as spider webs, complete with plastic spiders, ghosts and flying mammals hanging from the ceiling, as well as a few mummies and witches taped to the bulkhead. Spock did not spot the captain’s nemesis, the salt creature.

Nyota turned to him, the hood of her red cape covering much of her hair. She held a picnic basket in one of her hands. “Well, you refused to wear the pointy snout of the wolf!”

“It was uncomfortable and made my nose twitch. I believe I was having an allergic reaction to whatever dubious material it was made of.” Spock glanced around, hoping to spot Jim. “The whiskers you drew on with makeup give me the appearance of a feline rather than a wolf.”

Nyota shrugged. “It was the best I could do. You still look good. Kind of cuddly, actually.”

“Is the Big Bad Wolf supposed to be cuddly?”

“Well, no.” She shook her head. “He’s not here yet.”

Spock looked at her.

“You know who.”

“Perhaps he is unrecognizable in his costume,” Spock suggested.

“Oh, you’ll know him.” She was smiling.

“Do you know the captain’s costume?”

“A little birdy may have told me.”

“What is it?” Spock asked curiously.

“You have to see it for yourself, Spock. You won’t be disappointed.” She glanced over to the bar area that had been set up. Spock noticed Mr. Scott was manning it. There was some old saying about the fox watching the chicken coop or something that came to Spock’s mind. “I’m going to go see Scotty for a drink. Want anything?”

“No.”

Nyota nodded and hurried off toward the bar.

Spock stood off to the side wondering how long before the captain would appear. He saw no sign of the doctor either and he knew they would be together.

Then as Spock watched the doors of the rec room for Jim’s appearance, they slid open. A man dressed as an Earth primate stepped in first and Spock suspected judging by the height and the way the man move it was indeed Dr. McCoy.

Which meant…

Jim stepped inside and Spock nearly forgot to breathe.

Jim was dressed as a woman. He wore a rather elegant Chinese cheongsam in red satin. His usual blond hair had been covered by a dark wig. He wore makeup, including having his lips adorned in ruby red to match the red of his dress.

He was gorgeous.

And Spock could not move.

The captain was instantly surrounded by crew members vying for his attention. Which was not altogether unusual. But he was receiving applause and laughter and praise. And naturally Jim was eating it up.

Still, Spock…could not take his eyes off him.

Spock had never been particularly interested in cross dressers, though he did believe in live and let live. He had never expected to be actively attracted to a man dressed in women’s clothing. But then…this was Jim. Who he had been illogically, wholly enraptured with for longer than Spock cared to speculate.

“Better watch out there, Spock,” Dr. McCoy drawled from suddenly beside him. “I think the drool is pooling around your feet.”

Spock did not look at him. “Doctor. Your costume is an inspired choice for you.” And then he walked away from the doctor and to his captain at last.

He wouldn’t say that the other crew members parted for him exactly, but it was almost as if they had as he reached Jim’s side.

Jim stopped talking to Sulu mid-sentence upon Spock’s approach. He smiled, a seemingly extra twinkle in his blue eyes that set Spock’s heart to racing.

“Good evening,” Jim murmured.

Spock’s gaze went most illogically to those ridiculously red lips. “Good evening, Captain.” He heard music striking up and without even giving it much thought, perhaps he should have, he asked, “Would you like to dance?”

“Sure.”

Jim followed Spock onto the dance floor where other couples had assembled, including, Spock noted, Nyota and Mr. Scott, and before Spock could decide whether they should attempt a modern dance or something more intimate, Jim was in his arms.

As Spock’s arm curved around Jim’s waist, and his hand rose slightly up Jim’s back, he felt bare skin against his fingers. He blinked for a second, suddenly awash in raw human emotions.

_happyhopefullustaffectionexcitement_

They came from the man in his arms, so powerful and potent, Spock drew in a breath.

“Spock?”

Spock shook his head. “It is nothing.”

They began to dance to what Spock recognized as a classical piece, but it was not playing for long when the song changed to a vocal piece. Jim frowned.

“Son of a bitch,” Jim muttered.

“Captain?”

“I’m going to murder him.”

“Who, Jim?”

“Bones! This has to be his doing.”

“What?”

“This song,” Jim said through clenched teeth. “It’s the Lady in Red.”

“Ah.” Spock listened, then nodded. “The lyrics do have it right. I will never forget the way you look tonight.”

Jim grinned. “Thanks. I do look pretty good, huh?”

“You do.”

“Um. What are you supposed to be exactly?”

“The Big Bad Wolf.”

Jim’s grin widened. “Well, you’re the cutest Big Bad Wolf I’ve ever seen.”

Spock felt his skin prickle. “Do you-do you think so?”

“Oh most definitely.”

Illogically, Spock pulled Jim closer, his hold on him tightening, his fingers splaying across more bare skin.

“The dress didn’t quite fit,” Jim murmured.

Spock cleared his throat. “I am not complaining.”

His head dipped slightly toward Jim’s and their gazes met.

Then someone laughed heartily near them and broke the spell.

Jim looked away from Spock with a frown and then froze in Spock’s arms altogether. “”Fuck me.”

Startled, Spock released Jim and stepped back. “Captain?”

“The salt creature!”

Jim took off running and Spock saw Jim dashing through the door, on high heels no less, chasing after what most definitely appeared to be the salt creature.

****

“Stop right there!” Jim called after the salt creature he had chased down the corridor. He was both grateful and apprehensive when the creature halted and turned toward him. He sagged against the bulkhead and removed his heels. “Fuck. How do women walk in these things?’

The salt creature tilted its head. “Beats me. They’re terrible for your feet.”

Wait. He so recognized that voice. “Christine? Christine Chapel?”

She laughed and took the head of the beast off. “Yep, it’s me.”

“It’s been you, all along?”

“I hope you don’t mind me playing a bit of a joke on you. I got the idea when you disliked that decoration in the medbay so much. I was having a bit of fun at your expense.” She bit her lip. “Are you mad?”

“Mad?” Jim burst out laughing. “No. Well, irritated, that you got me so well. How’d you get that costume?”

She beamed. “Oh, I made it. Pretty cool?”

“It’s a little too realistic,” Jim admitted.

“You weren’t really frightened, were you? I’ll feel terrible if you were.”

“Nah. Just, um, a little disturbed. It did kill some of my men and almost me.”

She nodded. “I know. And that’s horrible. I did run it past Leonard and he—”

“Wait. Bones knew?”

“Of course. Given that the creature was Nancy Crater, or looked like her anyway, I felt I had to run it by him.”

“I really am going to murder him one day.”

“Nurse Chapel.”

“Oh, Mister Spock.” She smiled and Jim turned around to see Spock standing directly behind him.

“Your salt creature, Captain?”

“Apparently. I guess that’s the point of Halloween or something.”

“To scare the Captain?” Spock asked with a quirk of his brow.

“All in good fun, Mister Spock,” Christine said.

“Of course,” Jim agreed.

Spock gave them both his best ‘illogical human’ look though admittedly it was diminished under his cuddly kitten-wolf look.

Jim smiled at Christine. “Carry on.”

Christine waved. “See you later.”

She moved off down the corridor and Jim stared down at the heels in his hand.

“Giving you trouble, Captain?”

“Yeah. To tell you the truth, my feet are killing me. And this dress is too tight. I can barely breath. This damn wig is giving me a headache too.” Jim sighed. “I’m such a whiner.”

“I am rather anxious to get out of this costume myself,” Spock admitted. “I refused the pointed nose because it itched. The makeup Nyota applied is nearly as bad.”

Jim peered into the rec room. “Looks like everyone’s having a good time at least. Uhura’s still dancing with Scotty.”

“I suspect she will not notice my departure.”

Jim nodded. “Let’s get out of here.”

They went to the nearest turbolift.

“Well, that’s another Halloween come and gone.”

“Did you go trick or treating as a youth, Captain?”

“A little. Honestly most of the traditions with it have faded away a lot from the old days when people celebrated it. When I was little I liked to go because Sam would take me around, but after a while, he stopped doing it, and my stepfather never would. And Mom wasn’t around much.”

They stepped off the turbolift and headed down the corridor toward their quarters.

“I’m thinking about Risa for shore leave,” Jim said. “Good place for the next holiday.”

“Risa? Is that wise?”

Jim smiled. “It’s a great place. Beautiful. Loads of fun.” He looked at Spock. “You have been there, right?”

Spock sniffed. “I have not.”

“What the hell? No ice cream? No Risa?” Jim stopped at his door. “You know what! I just remembered. They have an ice cream parlor there, the sundaes are to die for.”

“I do not think I wish to be deceased over a sweet treat, Captain.”

Jim laughed. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. You and I are totally going there.”

“I do not do shore leave.”

“You are this time. It’s a team building exercise.” Spock was standing very close, Jim noticed all of a sudden. Closer than he was used to with his Vulcan. Not that-not that Spock was his Vulcan or anything. He stared straight into Spock’s chocolate brown eyes. He was tempted to lick his lips, but then remembered they were covered in red lipstick that tasted pretty nasty. “So. Goodnight, Mister Spock.”

Those brown eyes flicked briefly to Jim’s lips, and for one…two…heartbeats, Jim thought maybe…but then the eyes rose back to stare into his.

“Goodnight, Jim.” Spock moved away and headed for the door of his own quarters.

Wistfully, Jim entered his. Alone.  


	9. I Want You to Stay

Spock did not expect his door to chime. He had removed the makeup Nyota had drawn on his face and the uncomfortable body of the wolf. He had been reaching into his closet to retrieve his sleeping robe when the chime came.

Perhaps Nyota had left the party also?

“Computer, identify visitor.”

“James Tiberius Kirk.”

The robe slipped from Spock’s fingers to fall at his feet. Jim was here? But he had just bid him goodnight.

Spock shook his head at his own illogicalness. He picked up his robe, shrugged it on. “Open.”

Jim stood there still dressed in the red gown but the wig and makeup had been removed. Even the red lipstick.

“Uh. Sorry to disturb you, Spock.”

“Come in, Captain.”

Jim walked inside and the door closed behind him. “Bones pinned the dress and I can’t—” His fingers flittered toward his neck.

“Ah.” Spock nodded his understanding as he stepped around his captain to the back of the dress. For a moment all he could do was stare at so much of Jim’s bare exposed skin.

“Spock?”

“My apologies, Captain.”

Spock’s fingers went to the pins fastening the gown closed. He unhooked the pins. Now even more of Jim was exposed. His fingers shook as he stopped next to that bare skin.

“All done?”

Jim’s voice stopped him. He lowered his hand and stepped back.

“Yes.”

Jim turned around and smiled. “Thanks, Spock. Sorry for the interruption. You were right next door, so I figured you were my best bet.”

“It was no trouble, Jim.”

Jim’s smile widened. “I like the robe. Is that what you sleep in?”

Spock hoped he wasn’t blushing but the tips of his ears did feel warm. “Affirmative.”

“It’s cute.”

Spock quirked a brow.

“Have you ever wondered what I sleep in, Mr. Spock?”

He had, of course, but admitting to that completely inappropriate thought—

“Nothing! I sleep naked.”

Now Spock knew he was blushing. “Captain.”

Jim laughed. That dazzling, warm laugh that Spock would pay all his credits to hear. “I know, I know. How inappropriate.”

“Yes.”

“I’m kidding anyway, Mr. Spock. I sleep in shorts.”

Spock was not disappointed by that. Really.

Jim’s hand rested on Spock’s arm. “I’ll leave you alone now to do…whatever it is you do. I really need to get out of this dress.” He was about to turn away when he stopped and headed for the lyre on Spock’s shelf. “What’s this?”

“A Vulcan lyre.”

“Oh.” Jim nodded. “Do you play it?”

“I do. Not as much as I once did,” Spock admitted. His mother loved it when he played and therefore there were times when playing it was more painful than it should be.

“Cool. Maybe I can hear it some time.” He turned away and surveyed the room. “I’ve not really been in your quarters much. You guard your privacy pretty closely.”

“It is true. Only Nyota ever spent a great deal of time in here. And even then we spent more time in hers.”

Jim’s thousand watt smile almost winked out entirely, his tongue flicking out for only a second before he turned away once more. “I guess it must be hard for you.”

“Captain?”

“You know, working with your ex.”

“It is not particularly difficult. Nyota is professional and we have remained friends.”

“That’s good. I mean, obviously I could tell since you guys still hang out together.” Jim looked down at his hands and fidgeted. “Do you miss the intimacy?”

Spock almost frowned. “Do you refer to sexual congress?”

Jim flinched minutely. “No, I would never pry that way. I meant, I don’t know, the intimacy when you’re so close to someone like that.”

Spock studied Jim. “Yes, I suppose there is some element of that.”

“I’ve never…well.”

“Never what, Jim?”

“I’ve never had a romantic relationship,” Jim said softly. “I’ve had plenty of sex and it was fun. But there was never a time I could say I had a girlfriend or a boyfriend. I guess that’s really strange for a man my age to say that, huh?” He shook his head. “Anyway, I promised to get out of your hair.” He walked to Spock’s door.

Spock tried to think of a reason to have Jim stay, any reason, for he did not want him to go. And he was almost positive Jim did not want to leave. But he could think of nothing. He was not very good at any of this.

“Good night, Spock.”

“What are your plans for the rest of the evening, Captain?”

“Oh, I don’t know. A shower and a good book, I guess.”

“You are fond of reading.”

Jim nodded. “When I was young it was the only way I could escape,” he said cryptically. He pressed the release for Spock’s door. “Night.”

Spock swallowed heavily. “Goodnight, Captain.”


	10. Leonard's Advice for the Lovelorn

“Good morning, Bones.”

Leonard looked up from his strong coffee at the beaming smile of his best friend and knew the coffee in front of him wasn’t nearly strong enough. Looking at Jim incredulously, he moved over as Jim plopped down in the chair next to him, pretty much in Leonard’s personal space.

“Do ya mind?” he demanded.

“Not really,” Jim said cheerfully, sticking a raspberry in his mouth. “How are you feeling?”

“How do you think I’m feeling?” Leonard grumbled. He hunkered down over the cup of coffee like it had magical properties. If only.

Jim looked at Leonard’s breakfast, sitting largely untouched on his plate. His fork moved toward a piece of sausage. Leonard scooted the plate closer to Jim.

“Thanks.”

“What are you smiling about anyway?”

Jim shrugged. “It’s a new day and I’m still captain of the Enterprise.”

“It clearly takes very little to amuse you.”

“Headache, Bones?”

“Ya think?” Leonard rubbed his temples. “It’s a doozy. I hypoed myself and it still is threatening to split my head open.”

“Too much to drink.” Jim sounded far too amused.

“You didn’t drink anything. In fact, you practically ran from that party.”

Jim nodded. “Actually I did. I was chasing the salt monster. Which, by the way, Christine told me you totally knew about. I’m not sure I feel very sympathetic over your hangover.”

Leonard snorted. “Well. It was kind of funny. But, how come you didn’t come back to the party after you caught Christine?”

“Spock and I decided we were uncomfortable in our costumes.”

“I might have guessed the hobgoblin had something to do with it.”

“Bones, be nice.”

“I’m always nice.” Leonard eyed him. “Did you two have a nice date?”

Jim laughed as he brought a glass of orange juice to his lips. “It wasn’t a date.”

“You two were dancing the dance of love.”

“Give me a break.”

Leonard rolled his eyes. “I know two lovesick idiots when I see them. Spock couldn’t take his eyes off you. He had the major Vulcan hots.”

“Well.” Jim put his now empty juice glass down. “I will say I think he _might_ just like me. A little.”

“Like you a little? He practically threw you over his shoulder and carried you out of there.” Leonard shook his head. “He ran after you as soon as you ran out. I know it’s Spock and he’s subtle, but trust me Jim. That hobgoblin is smitten.”

“Do you actually listen to yourself?” Jim laughed and picked up his coffee. He grimaced. “Cold already. Is it too much to ask for fucking hot coffee from these computers?”

“Apparently. So what _did_ you do after you left the party? ”

“Took a shower and read a good book.”

“I wonder.”

Jim frowned. “What do you wonder?”

“If anyone knows how really boring you actually are,” Leonard said.

“Doubtful. I have a reputation and everything. Supposedly I am constantly fucking and partying.”

Leonard nodded. “Captain Playboy.”

“Do they actually call me that?” Jim sputtered.

“Well, they did in the gossip mags.”

“You read those?”

“Not me,” Leonard denied. “Christine. I just happen to see them in the medbay.”

Jim had now finished his own breakfast as well as Leonard’s. He stood up. “Off to the bridge. Lunch later?”

Leonard eyed him. “Are you getting pudgy?”

“Now you’re just being mean. Either yes or no, Bones.”

“Sure, yeah.”

****

“Doctor.”

Leonard looked up from the terminal in his office where he’d been reviewing the test results of an ill ensign from the botany department. He was only mildly surprised to see Spock standing stiffly in front of him, hands clenched behind his back.

Leonard had always thought that was a very uncomfortable way to stand. But it wasn’t as though Spock screamed ease and comfort anyway.

“Spock, what can I do for you?”

Spock stood there looking at Leonard without replying.

Leonard supposed he was going to have to play some sort of guessing game. “You sick?”

“Negative.”

Leonard nodded. Waited.

“It is the captain.”

“Jim is sick?”

“Negative.” Spock shifted. “It is of a personal nature.”

Leonard gestured to the chair in front of his desk. “Sit down then.”

Spock glanced at the door.

“There’s no one around right now but me. Christine’s with patients.”

“Very well.” Spock sat in the chair.

Leonard waited again. But Spock didn’t speak. Leonard sighed. “You said this was about Jim.”

“Yes. I…I wish to court the captain.”

Leonard kept a straight face. “Court?”

“Affirmative. He has stated that he has never been in a romantic relationship.”

“That’s true. Or at least as far as I know it is.”

Spock looked vaguely green. Or greener. His mouth was turned down at the corners as though this conversation was quite distasteful. “As his closest friend, you know the captain better than anyone.”

Leonard acknowledged that with a nod. “True. But I think you’ve been getting to know him pretty well yourself. He’s let you in.”

“Still…if you have any…advice—”

This time Leonard could not stop a chuckle from bubbling forth. “You want advice from me on how to woo Jim?”

Spock started to stand up.

“Oh, sit down.” Leonard rolled his eyes. “You had to know I was going to find a little amusement about this.”

“I had hoped you would restrain yourself.”

“Fat chance.” Leonard chortled. “But really, Spock, I’m happy for you. Really.”

“Then you believe the captain will look upon my courting him favorably?”

“We’re not in a Jane Austen book, Spock, and I’m not Jim’s damn father you need permission from. But, that being said, yeah, Jim is interested.”

If Leonard didn’t know better he would think Spock had just perked up. Leonard scowled before he found it too cute. “As for my advice, I’d say be solicitous, show an interest in what he likes, and pay lots of attention to him. He loves that. And touch. Jim is very touchy feely. The more touch the better for him. He’s touch-starved because he didn’t get a lot of love and affection when he was younger.”

Spock nodded. “Very well. I can do all that. Does he appreciate gifts?”

Leonard waved his hand. “Sure. He appreciates anything as long as you pay attention to him. But the gifts have to be something he likes. Um. Coffee. Books. Shiny things.”

Spock quirked a brow. “Shiny things?”

“Back in the academy he used to pick up any colorful or shiny rock or shell he came upon. He loves that stuff.”

Spock stood up then with a quick nod and turned to leave.

“You’re welcome, Spock,” Leonard called after him with a shake of his head.

Spock arched a brow at Leonard, but said nothing further.

“Ungrateful hobgoblin,” Leonard muttered.


	11. Pink Rocks and Bunny Rabbits

“Damn, I forgot my coffee,” Jim declared just as he set his breakfast tray of scrambled eggs and toast down next to Bones. “Be right back.”

Jim sauntered back to the replicator to get his coffee. He yawned while he waited for it to appear, then stopped to exchange a couple of words with Scotty and Sulu who were sitting at another table.

By the time he made it back to his own table, Spock had joined Bones. He noticed Jim’s tray had been moved to the other side next to where Spock sat and across from Bones.

With a shrug, he took the new seat. There was a bowl of raspberries on his tray where before there had not been.

“It is my understanding that raspberries are agreeable to you,” Spock said when he saw Jim staring at the fruit.

“Yeah, love them,” Jim replied. “Thanks.”

“You are welcome.”

Jim glanced at Bones but his friend was eying his waffle very closely. Jim shrugged and popped a raspberry into his mouth.

“How is the coffee, Captain?”

Jim had just lifted it to his lips. He took a sip. “Hey, it’s actually hot.”

Spock nodded, looking distinctly satisfied. “I had it reprogrammed so that it would produce a beverage temperature more to your liking.”

Bones coughed.

Jim glanced at him. “You coming down with something, Bones?”

“Foolitis,” Bones mumbled. He stood. “I think I’m needed in the medbay.”

Jim shook his head as his friend departed. “What did he say?”

“I believe he said Foolitis, Captain. Clearly a made up disease.”

“He gets weirder all the time.” Jim smiled. “Thanks for the hot coffee by the way.”

“I am pleased that I could assist you.” Spock seemed to move closer and then press his leg against Jim’s.

“Oh. Am I crowding you?” Jim asked. “I’ll move over.”

But when he did, Spock moved too, and pressed his leg into Jim’s again. Maybe the weirdness was an epidemic.

Jim spooned some egg. “So, listen, we’re going to have turkey on Risa. It’s kind of the traditional Thanksgiving meal. And it’s true not everyone on Earth did Thanksgiving, but, well, I think it will be nice for everyone anyway. We could all stand to be grateful once in a while.”

“It is a puzzle to me how gorging oneself on fowl shows appreciation for all that one has.”

“Well, it does. It’s supposed to be about being with family and friends and all that. The big turkey meal comes secondary. I guess. It doesn’t matter. The point is you’re a vegetarian—”

“I do not plan to participate in the Thanksgiving celebration.”

Jim smirked. “Well, change your plans, Mr. Spock, because you will be there. And since you aren’t the only vegetarian on board, but you are the highest ranking one, I’m putting _you_ in charge of the vegetarian feast for those who abstain from turkey.”

“Technically since I will be on shore leave, you cannot order me to take part in the festivities.”

“Pulling regulations on me, Spock?” Jim smiled. He fluttered his lashes.

Spock stared at Jim. His mouth hung open for a second, before he said, “No, Captain. I will, of course, plan the vegetarian meal.”

“I thought so.” He took another sip of his coffee. Now he freaking knew Spock was into him. The raspberries could have been nothing, but those together with the hotter coffee, the leg touches, and the caving easily after Jim smiled and fluttered his lashes told Jim all he needed to know. Which was cool, because he was into Spock. It was a win-win situation.

Spock was staring at him intently.

“Still hot and good,” Jim replied.

Spock nodded and scooted closer still to Jim. This time, Jim pressed his leg into Spock’s and he could swear he heard what sounded like a purr.

****

“Kirk to Spock.”

“Spock here.”

“Looks like everyone’s just about done here, Mr. Spock. You ready to return to the Enterprise?”

Spock was kneeling beside a group of colorful rocks. He was trying to choose the prettiest one. It was difficult for he was unsure which color Jim preferred. So he had abandoned his idea of choosing by color and opted for which one was the brightest.

“Spock, do you read?”

Spock had finally chosen a sort of dark pink rock with a healthy hue. He was running his tricorder over it to make sure it would not be dangerous to transport it or to present it to Jim.

“Spock?”

“Aye, Captain. I shall meet the landing party at the designated rendezvous coordinates. Spock out.” He pocketed Jim’s rock and headed out.

As he was approaching the area, he saw Jim running, carrying Dr. McCoy slung over his back. He was quickly followed by Sulu and Ensign Polk.

“Jim? Captain?” Spock hurried over.

Jim’s shirt was torn and there were scratches across his chest. He was already flipping open his communicator. “Beam us up.”

Spock was not at all pleased to learn while he was gathering rocks, Jim was in danger.  

They reappeared on the Enterprise and Jim took off like a rocket with Spock at his heels.

“Captain, are you severely injured?”

“No, Spock.”

“Is the doctor?”

“I think he fainted.”

They made it to the medbay in record time, Spock would think, and M’Benga waited for them.

“Put him there,” Dr. M’Benga declared as Nurse Chapel hurried over. “What happened?”

Jim shook his head, panting, clearly a little out of breath. “It was the stupidest thing. There was this bunny rabbit.”

“Bunny rabbit?” M’Benga repeated.

“Looked sort of like one, anyway. Bones approached it thinking it was cute. Well, the damn thing attacked him. I don’t think it hurt him really bad or anything. I’m pretty sure he fainted. Anyway, I got him away from the attack bunny and this is what I got for my troubles.” Jim gestured to himself.

“You need to be checked, Captain,” Spock said quickly.

Jim waved him off and approached the bio bed as Dr. McCoy appeared to have come around. M’Benga was shining a light in McCoy’s eyes.

“Get that away,” Dr. McCoy said grumpily. “Geoff, I’m telling you I’m fine.”

“Leonard, I need to clean your wounds,” Nurse Chapel was telling him.

Jim sighed. “Is he going to be all right?”

M’Benga looked amused. “I think so. The bunny wasn’t poison.”

“I don’t need to be fussed over, damn it!”

Jim suddenly turned toward Spock and grabbed his arm. “Let’s get out of here.”

“Captain, your wounds—”

“Just a few scratches. I’ll clean them in my quarters. I’m not going to be in the medbay when Bones realizes I have a few scratches. He’ll demand I get stuck in a bed.”

Spock wasn’t sure that was a bad idea, but he allowed Jim to drag him out of the medbay and into the turbolift.

Jim gave him a bright, beautiful smile. “Well, at least Bones wasn’t really hurt. I panicked there for a bit.”

“I am also relieved the doctor will be all right. I do believe you should have had your wounds cleaned.”

“I told you, they aren’t wounds.”

“They are bleeding.” Spock stepped close so he could study the slashes across Jim’s chest. “Do they hurt?”

“A little. Like cat scratches. Stings a bit.”

The turbolift opened onto the deck with their quarters. Spock followed Jim into his. “I will clean your scratches.”

Jim was already pulling off his torn shirts. “I can do it.”

“I have no doubt.” Spock went into the bathroom and returned with cotton swabs and antiseptic. “You have no bandages.”

“I don’t need them.” Jim shook his head at his shredded uniform. “Another ruined. I go through more of these than anyone I think.”

“Indeed.” Spock swiped the antiseptic across Jim’s scratches. “The bleeding does appear to have slowed down.”

“See? Nothing.” Jim stepped away from Spock and over to the replicator. “Tea?”

Since Spock had no desire to quit Jim’s company he agreed. As Jim waited for the tea, he went to his closet, and retrieved a gray T-shirt. He did not yet put it on.

“And here I thought that was a peaceful planet. Attacking bunnies.”

He handed Spock his tea, and then sat down with a cup of his own. The T-shirt lay across his lap. Spock tried not to stare at Jim’s bare chest, arms and abs. It was difficult for Jim was a desirable human.

Spock withdrew the dark pink rock from his pocket and presented it to Jim.

“Hey, what’s this?” Jim asked.

“A specimen I discovered on the planet. I thought it might…appeal to you.”

Jim set the rock in the palm of his hand and stared down at it with a soft smile playing around his lips. “The color is extraordinary.”

Thinking of Jim’s eyes, he nodded. “It is.”

Jim glanced up at Spock. “Thanks, Spock.”

“You are—”

The captain’s comm whistled. “Jim, get your ass back to the medbay now!”

“Bones—”

“Now, Jim!”

Jim sighed. “Fuck.”


	12. I'm Falling for Your Eyes, But They Don't Know Me Yet

Spock watched Jim as the captain’s yeoman approached him with a PADD and a cup of coffee. As far as he knew, Jim was unaware Spock watched him. Of course Spock often did and sometimes Jim even turned around to look at Spock. But presently, the captain was focused on the yeoman.

Yeoman Rand was, what Spock supposed most human males thought, beautiful. She was blonde, which many human males seemed to prefer, and what Dr. McCoy had once referred to as buxom. Her red uniform dress seemed even shorter than Nyota’s.

“What’s this?” Jim asked, as the yeoman handed him the coffee.

She gave him a too bright smile. “Oh. I was asked to deliver it to you, Captain. By a secret admirer.”

“A secret admirer?” Jim shook his head. “I hope they really are an admirer and aren’t out to poison me,” he joked, before taking a sip. His eyes widened.

“Captain?” Rand exclaimed.

“Damn. It’s cinnamon coffee. I haven’t had cinnamon coffee since we left Earth. God, it’s so good.” He took another sip. “Who was it?”

“I’m afraid I’m not at liberty to say, sir.”

“Janice, come on.”

Spock did not miss the way Jim’s voice had added warmth to it as he spoke the yeoman’s first name. He stood up from his station and went to stand by the captain’s chair.

Jim glanced at him. “Oh, hi, Spock.”

“If you’ll just sign that report, Captain, I’ll be on my way,” Rand said, with a quick glance at Spock.

Jim smiled at her and signed the PADD, handing it back to her. She moved away as Spock made a note to himself not to use her for delivery purposes again.

“Is this coffee to your satisfaction, Captain?”

Jim was taking another sip. “Boy, is it. Wait. You, Mr. Spock?”

“Yes.”

Jim turned his killer smile on Spock now and Spock’s heart clenched in answer. “How’d you know I like cinnamon coffee?”

“You ordered it a few times when we were on Earth awaiting the repairs on the Enterprise after the…incident.”

The incident being Jim’s death. Spock did not like to speak of it both because he found it disturbing and because whenever it was mentioned directly in his presence, Jim winced. It was a very unpleasant topic for both of them.

“I guess my admirer is not so secret then.”

Spock felt his cheeks heat. He was aware the others on the bridge were paying very close attention to his conversation with the captain. “I merely wished to present you with something you enjoyed. Yeoman Rand misunderstood.”

Jim smirked. “That was it, huh?”

“It is wise to cultivate a good working relationship between a first officer and captain.”

“Of course, Mr. Spock.”

“Captain.” Spock nodded at Jim and returned to his station, ignoring the knowing stares of those around him.

****

Jim found a book on his bed when he got to his quarters. It was leather bound. He picked it up and discovered it was a book on ancient Vulcan lore translated into standard. He shook his head, but he was smiling.

His door chimed.

“Enter.”

Bones stepped inside, carrying a bottle and two glasses. “What’s that?”

“A gift from Spock.”

“He’s laying it on thick.”

Jim grinned. “I don’t mind.”

“Good thing, because I don’t think he knows how to be subtle.” Bones went to the replicator. “Chicken cacciatore?”

“Sounds fine.” Jim took his seat at the table and poured himself and Bones wine from the bottle Bones had brought.

The door chimed again and this time Bones pressed the release since he was standing by it.

Spock stepped inside. “Doctor, Captain.”

“What did you want, Spock?” Bones asked. “We’re having chicken cacciatore.”

“Not that.”

“No kidding.” Bones rolled his eyes.

“Give him number five,” Jim called out to Bones.

Spock arched a brow. “Number five?”

Jim smiled as Bones brought Spock over a Vulcan vegetarian dish. “Number five.”

“I was unaware Vulcan dishes were programmed into the replicator,” Spock said as he took the seat where Bones set the plate.

Jim shrugged. “Something I’ve been working on.”

Bones took his seat and dug into his cacciatore. “You two are just too cute.”

“Doctor?”

Bones smirked. “Spock. Anyway, I didn’t get you a drink, Spock. If you want that nasty tea you drink, you’ll have to go get it. Unless you want some wine.”

“I do not.” Spock rose and went to the replicator.

Their once a week dinner had been Jim’s idea about a month into their five-year mission. He wanted his two besties to get along and anyway it seemed like a good bonding thing for senior officers. There had been weeks they’d had to skip out of necessity, of course.

“So, I put Spock in charge of the vegetarian Thanksgiving meal and Nurse Chapel and Yeoman Rand in charge of the real Thanksgiving meal,” Jim said.

“Captain.”

Jim waved his hand. “Sorry, Spock. You’re right. I need diversity training. The non-vegetarian meal.”

“Who’s in charge of the partying down on Risa? I volunteer.” Bones said. “Ever been to Risa, Spock?”

“I have not. It has a certain reputation I do not find appealing,” Spock said, sipping the tea he brought to the table.

“How’s the food?” Jim asked with a smile.

“Quite satisfactory.”

“Jim and I have been there a number of times. Haven’t we?” Bones asked, nudging Jim.

“We have. It’s actually really beautiful. Amazing beaches. Scenery.”

Bones chuckled. “Yeah, scenery. That’s why we went there. There was one time with this Risan female—”

“Is this a story of sexual exploitation, doctor?”

Bones frowned, looking uncertain. “Well, I—”

“I would prefer not to hear it,” Spock said primly. “Especially if it involves the Captain.”

Bones closed his mouth.

“I’m pretty sure all of his stories involving Risa involve sex,” Jim said, with no little amusement. “Our first year in the academy we went there and it was pretty wild.”

“We were pretty wild,” Bones agreed with a laugh.

“Yeah. But, um, I’m not like that anymore, Spock,” Jim said when he saw how stiff Spock was becoming.

Bones followed Jim’s gaze. “Oh, no. Definitely not. Those were the old days. Actually Jim spends most of his time alone reading.”

“And this time on Risa, I’ll be spending it with you, anyway, Spock.” Jim smiled. “I promised you ice cream.”

When Spock blushed, Bones said, “I don’t want to know.”

****

“Thanks for the book, Spock,” Jim told Spock after Dr. McCoy left after dinner. “I can’t wait to read it.”

Spock had lingered for an additional cup of tea. Of course it had been because Spock did not wish to leave. “You are welcome, Captain. I understand you like to read.”

“I do. And if you’re going to bring me coffee and books and raspberries, don’t you think you could call me Jim? Alone like this anyway.”

Jim was lounging on his couch in sweatpants and a T-shirt. His feet were bare. He was now sipping some of Spock’s tea, though he’d had two glasses of wine during dinner. Spock had noticed the alcohol cause a little bit of high color in Jim’s cheeks. Spock found it unexpectedly appealing.

“You are welcome, Jim.”

Jim patted the spot on the couch next to him. “Why don’t you sit next to me instead of standing way over there?”

Spock hesitated. Not because he did not want to be near Jim, but because he was not certain he could be that close to Jim without wishing to act. Of course, Dr. McCoy had given him the advice Jim liked to be touched. Which was good, since Spock liked to touch him.

In the end, his desire to be near Jim won out, and Spock moved over to the couch and sat next to his captain.

“Need more tea?” Jim asked.

“No, I have had a sufficient amount.” Spock put his hand on Jim’s knee, not glancing Jim’s way to see his reaction. But he did feel heat in his own cheeks.

“Spock.”

It was spoken so soft and low, Spock might have imagined it. He knew he felt the word like salve to his katra. It called to him.

Spock dared a glance in Jim’s direction and he realized Jim had moved closer so their faces were quite close together.

“Why don’t you just kiss me?”      


	13. A Mother's Heart

Spock looked at Jim with such evident surprise on his face that Jim was certain the flustered Vulcan was not going to kiss him. Which was frankly unacceptable. They both wanted this and damn it they were going to get it.

He was reaching over to cup the back of Spock’s neck when Spock leaned over and kissed him. Just flat out crushed his lips to Jim’s. Which was such a surprise after Spock’s hesitation that Jim opened his mouth on a gasp, sucking in too much air, and he promptly began to cough.

“Sorry, sorry,” Jim said, pulling away, still coughing. He’d probably just spit all over Spock, too. As romantic kisses went, that was a big fat failure. Spock looked justly horrified.

He watched helplessly as Spock rose from the couch and then returned only moments later with a glass of water. Jim took it and in between coughs, attempted to drink it.

“Sorry,” Jim said again.

Spock nodded. “Perhaps it would be wise to not speak until you have recovered.”

Jim finally got it under control, then leaned his head back on the couch. “Well. That was embarrassing.”

“You did wish me to kiss you, did you not?”

“Yeah. I did. Just, um,…never mind. Did I cough all over you?”

“Yes.”

Damn Spock and his honesty anyway. He’d been hoping Spock would deny it and say, ‘no, no, quite all right’.

“Sorry.”

“You keep apologizing when there is no need.”

Jim buried his face in his hand. “Sure. I’m just dying of embarrassment here.”

“Jim, if I may.”

He lowered his hands from his face to see Spock holding two fingers out toward him. Jim stared at them. “What?”

“You touch your fingers to mine. The same ones, as you see.”

Jim touched his index and middle fingers to Spock’s. “Like that?”

“Yes. That is a Vulcan sign of affection. A kiss, holding hands. It is shared between those in a romantic relationship.”

Jim smiled. “You still want to kiss me?”

“Why would I not?”

“Well, because…” Jim waved his hand.

“I would be quite shallow if your coughing caused me such grievance as to no longer wish to be with you.”

Jim sighed. “When put that way it does seem stupid.”

“Indeed.”

“I’m not-I’m not very good at all this.”

Spock nodded. “Considering you admitted to me that you had never been in a relationship that is not altogether surprising. Come closer.”

“Huh?”

“Come. Closer.”

Jim tried not to get haughty over Spock’s authoritative tone. Especially since it was kind of a turn on. All right, a total turn on. Yeah, so Jim liked to be commanded. Oh well. He scooted closer and the finger of Spock’s other hand grasped his chin.

“Open your mouth,” Spock ordered.

Jim obeyed.

“Now, lick your lips.”

Jim did as he was told. Okay and now his cock was hard too. Just like that. Damn. Oh, God, he just whimpered.

Speaking of haughty, that was the look on Spock’s face right then. A sort of satisfied haughtiness.

Spock tilted his head and kissed Jim’s wet lips. And now that Jim was not choking like an idiot he realized Spock was a fantastic kisser. Spock’s lips softened on his and the kiss deepened. He closed his eyes and sighed into Spock’s mouth.

Their fingers slid away from each other’s as Jim reached up to grab onto Spock’s uniform shirt, digging his fingers in, pulling him closer. When he felt Spock lower him to be flat on the couch, Jim closed his eyes and let out a little moan.

Spock threaded his hands through Jim’s hair, pressing him down with his Vulcan weight and strength. The hard ridge of Spock’s erection grazed Jim’s thigh as Spock shifted against him.

“Spock,” Jim gasped, rising up to push himself against all the Vulcan muscle dominating him.

Jim hated not being in control on the bridge. Seriously. But here…ah, _fuck_. Spock’s hand cupped Jim ‘s trouser covered erection. Squeezed.

And just like that…that fast…Jim came undone. It had been a hell of a long time since he came in his pants. He shook and wailed with it as Spock continued to grind his palm against him as he released.

Jim clung to Spock like he was a lifeline as Spock continued to kiss him over and over until he couldn’t breathe and he didn’t care.

The whistle whined.

“Uhura to Captain Kirk.”

Spock didn’t stop kissing him so Jim kissed him right back.

“Uhura to Captain Kirk.”

Jim pulled away from those questing lips. “Your girlfriend’s timing sucks.”

“She is not my girlfriend.” Spock let Jim up from the couch with obvious reluctance.

Jim went to the com. “Kirk here.”

“Just wanted to advise you that shore leave has been approved, Captain. Five days on the planet, Risa, approved by Admiral Warren.”

“Great, thanks,” Jim said breathlessly. “Anything else?”

“No, sir.” He detected a note of amusement in her tone and wondered if she had guessed. But no, how could she?

“Kirk out.” He looked down at his pants. “This has been one embarrassing night.”

Spock came over to him and drew him close. “Your embarrassment is unwarranted, ashal-veh.”

“Yeah? What’s that?”

“Darling.”

Jim smiled. “Now it’s your turn.”

Spock blinked. “My turn?”

“Uh-huh.” He dropped to his knees and went straight for Spock’s zipper.

“Jim!”

“Oh, honey, I may have never had a boyfriend, but I’ve got this, trust me.”

Jim pulled Spock’s hard cock free from his pants and boxer briefs and swallowed Spock down. His reward was a loud, surprised Vulcan groan. A few bobs up and down Spock’s long, thick cock, and a clearly very aroused Spock was exploding down Jim’s throat. Jim made a valiant attempt to swallow it all.

He released Spock with a pop as Spock hauled him to his feet and sealed his mouth with a kiss.

When Jim broke for air, he whispered, “So, it’s true.”

“True?”

“Vulcans produce their own lubricant. And they are double-ridged.”   

“You have been curious?” Spock kissed the corner of Jim’s mouth.

“Super curious.”

“Mm. What else have you been curious about, Captain?”

“All sorts of inappropriate things, I assure you,” Jim said. He smoothed his hands over Spock’s ass, then moved them to the front to do up Spock’s pants for him. He felt something in Spock’s front pocket. “What’s this?”

Spock reached in and pulled out a dark purple cut gemstone. “It is a present for you.”

Jim grinned. “Another one?”

“Indeed. I like to present you with presents. I know it is completely illogical, and yet…”

“And yet, you can’t help yourself.”

“Quite correct.” Spock turned Jim’s hand over and placed the purple gemstone in his palm. “This belonged to my mother. She wore it on a chain around her throat. When I came to Earth to join Starfleet she presented me with it. I was to locate her sister and give it to her because it had once belonged to their mother and Mother wanted her sister to have it.”

Jim met his gaze. “You still have it.”

“Unfortunately, Mother’s sister passed away from an illness shortly after my arrival and I was never able to give it to her. I did not get a chance to return it to my mother before…before her death.”

Jim’s heart ached. “Spock? Are you sure you want to give it to me?”

Spock stared at Jim intently. “I am certain. And I believe Mother would approve.”

Jim looked down at the shape. “It’s a heart.”

“Humans romanticized shape of a heart, yes,” Spock replied.

“I don’t know what to say, Spock.”

“You do not need to say anything, ashal-veh.” Spock lifted Jim’s hand until his fingers were at Spock’s lips. He kissed the tips softly. “You should rest and I must meditate.”

“Is that your way of saying this conversation has gotten way too intense and it’s time to say goodnight?” Jim teased.

Spock nodded, but his lips twitched. “Indeed. Goodnight, Jim.”

When Spock left, Jim clutched the purple gemstone in his hand and ran a finger along it. Spock was unexpectedly romantic. Jim never would have thought.

He glanced down at his soiled pants. “I need a shower.”   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What I envision for the heart
> 
>   
> [](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-K0USK5ubwfI/VkpSMSuBS6I/AAAAAAAAEMg/nduKHOTNk_0/s1600/heartshaped.jpg)  
>    
> 
> 
>   
> 


	14. Staying in Risa

“Spock to Captain Kirk.”

Jim stopped in the middle of punching in his morning coffee into the replicator and went to the com in his quarters. “Kirk here.”

“I was wondering what you were presently doing.”

He smiled though Spock couldn’t even see him. “I’m about to drink some coffee and then get in the shower. I’m supposed to meet Bones in the mess for breakfast in about forty-five minutes or so.”

“I will join you.”

“Great. Kirk out.”

He was surprised when only a couple of minutes later his door chimed since he had thought Spock meant for breakfast with Bones.

“Come in.”

Sure enough his first officer entered his quarters looking totally put together and fucking hot to boot. Okay, so he always thought Spock looked edible, but now having experienced sexual intimacy with Spock, well, he was hotter.

“Morning.”

“Good morning, Captain.”

“Oh, we’re back to captain, are we?”

“You are still my captain. And I am fairly certain we would both like it to stay that way.”

“You have a point.” Jim smiled. “How did you sleep?”

“Not well,” Spock admitted. “My thoughts centered around you.”

And just like that, Jim’s pulse raced. He told himself to turn it off. This undeniably crazy reaction to Spock. Hell, he needed a shower and had to meet Bones. He licked his lips.

Jim didn’t know how it happened, really, but Spock suddenly had him shoved into the bulkhead, facing away from Spock. Jim was wearing only his boxer briefs and a thin T-shirt, but he might as well have been naked. He could feel Spock everywhere. Spock grabbed Jim’s wrists and held them above Jim’s head with only one hand. Jim tried to break free, couldn’t, and was punished for his struggles with a bite on the back of his neck.

“Fuck,” he groaned. And then his head was spinning when he felt Spock shift, undo the fastenings on his trousers, and then rub his bare cock on Jim’s ass. Jim’s own dick jumped in his boxer briefs in reaction. “Spock, oh God.”

Spock’s hand snaked around Jim to the front of him, fingers and palm closing over the bulge in Jim’s briefs. At the same time, Spock continued to rub along his ass. Teeth sunk into the cord of his throat and Jim thrashed against the bulkhead and Spock’s hand, emptying in his briefs. Spock growled low and shot all over the back of Jim’s briefs. He was soaked with seed coming and going.

“Jesus,” Jim panted. “Fucking hell.”

Spock released his wrists as he backed away from Jim. Leaning on the bulkhead, Jim caught his breath, and then turned around in time to see Spock righting himself, tucking back into his regulation briefs, and then zipping up.

Jim blinked. “Uh. Good morning?”

Spock’s lips turned upward. “Indeed. Perhaps it would be prudent to take your shower now.”

Jim winced as he looked down at his underwear. “You totally dig doing that to me, don’t you?”

“To deny it would be a lie and Vulcans do not—”

“Lie. Yeah. I’ve heard that.” Jim went to his desk and picked up his neglected coffee and took a sip. “Cinnamon?”

“Indeed. I had it programmed in the replicator special for you when you obtain coffee in your quarters. You can also choose another flavor if you would like. Vanilla and chocolate fudge are also available for you.”

Jim grinned. “I adore besotted you.”

Spock straightened. “I am not besotted.”

“No?”

Spock was now blushing slightly. “Perhaps very slightly.”

Jim laughed. “See you at the mess for breakfast?”

Spock nodded. “Yes, Captain.”

****

Spock was already there when Jim arrived. So was Bones. His friend had a plate of food in front of him, looked like waffles. Spock stood up at Jim’s approach.

“I have obtained breakfast and coffee for you, Captain.”

Jim saw that there was indeed a plate of what appeared to be an omelet and fried potatoes where Jim would normally sit. Well, if he was sitting next to Spock, anyway. Also there was coffee and a little bowl of raspberries.

Jim smiled as he took his seat. “Mr. Spock, you’re spoiling me.”

“I’ll say,” Bones grumbled.

“Cheery as usual, Bones.”

“Well, what I want to know is…you two are together now, right?”

Jim frowned. “How’d you know that?”

“It’s written all over your ‘not too subtle’ faces,” Bones cracked.

“How is that, doctor?”

“I’d know Jim’s ‘I’ve had sex’ look anywhere.”

“Hey!”

Bones rolled his eyes. “And judging by the shape of those teeth marks in Jim’s neck, it’s pretty much a lock it was with you, Spock.”

“Fuck. You’re like Sherlock Holmes or something.”

“Hmm. The point is, you’ve obviously got him, Spock, why are you still trying to court him?”

“Perhaps I do have him as you say, however, how am I to retain him if I do not continue to court him?”

“And that’s the answer to the mystery of countless failed romances,” Bones replied.

“I’m sitting right here and you’re talking around me like I’m not,” Jim grumbled.

“I apologize, Captain.”

“It’s fine. Listen, I was looking to get a hotel room on Risa that overlooks this waterfall in the rainforest there. You’ll stay with me?”

“Actually, other than the forced Thanksgiving gathering, I had intended to stay on board the Enterprise and—“Spock glanced at Bones. “Did you just kick me, doctor?”

“I certainly did, Spock,” Bones retorted. “Are you out of your green-blooded mind?”

“Bones, if Spock doesn’t want to spend his shore leave with me, it’s fine,” Jim said quietly.

Spock closed his mouth. Opened it. Closed it again.

Jim ignored him and turned his brightest smile at Bones. “You want to stay with me, Bonesy?”

“Only you could make that ridiculous nickname even more ridiculous,” Bones said with a shake of his head. “Well, sure, Jimmy-Pie.” Bones batted his lashes dramatically. “Just keep in mind I intend to have lots of women—”

“Captain, I will stay with you,” Spock interrupted.

“No, no, Spock. It’s perfectly all right. You can stay behind with your lab experiments while Bones and I play.”

“Remember that redhead?” Bones asked with a grin. “What was her name? Cherry! She was all over you.”

“I doubt she’ll be there this time. That was a long time ago,” Jim pointed out.

“Yeah, yeah, but there will be others.”

“Not for the captain,” Spock said coolly.

Jim glanced at Spock, who looked very rigid indeed. “Oh?”

“I apologize, Jim. Of course I will stay in Risa with you.”

“If you are sure—”

“I am most definitely sure.” Spock picked up his tea. “I will be sure to  _control_ the situation while there.”

Jim swallowed. “Control?”

“Yes, Captain. Vulcans do prefer to be under control at all times. Something you have perhaps experienced recently?”

Jim licked his lips and shifted in his seat.

Spock stood. “If you will excuse me, there are some arrangements I must make with the science department before we reach Risa.”

Bones watched him leave. “Were those sexual innuendos from the hobgoblin?”

Jim felt very hot. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Bones. I’m needed. Somewhere. The bridge! Yeah, the bridge. See you.”

Jim started to leave.

Bones sighed.

Jim came back for the bowl of raspberries and departed the mess.    


	15. Thanksgiving

Spock was not at all pleased by the attention his captain was getting from the females of Risa. And many of the males for that matter. They had been openly ogling Jim and some had even offered themselves for Jim’s pleasure.

“Perhaps rather than hovering here in the welcoming center we should make our way to our place of residence while we are here,” Spock said, leaning down slightly to speak into Jim’s ear. He was most satisfied when Jim shivered.

Jim turned slightly toward him. “I agree. I’m tired of them trying to get into your pants.”

Spock blinked. “My pants, Captain? I believe you are mistaken and they have been after you.”

Jim laughed. “You’re super cute, you know that? Whoever they were after, let’s go to our hotel.”

“What time are we to meet for the Thanksgiving celebration?” Spock asked as they left the welcome center and hailed transportation to their rain forest hotel.

“Everything is set for two. We have plenty of time to get settled in before we have to make our way to the restaurant hall where it’s been arranged.”

It was just a short trip to the rain forest resort and Spock saw as they departed the transportation that it was a very extravagant resort. Crystal chandeliers hung from the ceilings as he followed Jim to the reservation desk.

“Captain, I must protest.” The tile they walked on looked like expensive marble.

“About what?”

“The cost of this establishment is no doubt more than either of us make in a month’s time.”

“Oh, definitely.”

“Then I submit that it is an extravagance that is entirely illogical.”

“There’s no logic involved at all,” Jim agreed.

They walked up to the reservation clerk who gave Jim a warm smile.

“Captain Kirk, we’ve been expecting you,” she said pleasantly. “Everything is all set for your stay and here are your room keys. You’re on the third floor.”

“Thank you.”

“And if there is _anything_ you need, do let me know.”

“There is most definitely nothing else he needs,” Spock said coolly, glaring her down as best as he could, and pulling Jim away from her.

Jim merely smiled and shook his head and headed for the lift to the right. Spock was close on his heels.

“Given that you acknowledge that lack of logic in spending our credits on such luxury neither of us requires, I fail to see why—”

The lift opened and Jim walked out while Spock was still speaking. When Jim reached a door, he used the electronic lock the woman had given him and then slid the door open.

It was like something out of a fairy tale or a human fantasy, Spock realized. Glass windows all along the opposite wall of the entrance looking out on the waterfall. There was a kitchen larger than Spock’s quarters that included a full bar. The living room area had several reclining couches, perfect for gazing out at the waterfall Spock imagined.

Jim kept going, carrying his bag, toward the bedroom, a room off to the left of the living area. Spock followed.

The bedroom contained a very large sleigh bed with more of the same windows overlooking the waterfall.

“Captain—”

“Spock, you know what you’re doing with the coffee and the raspberries and the beautiful stones?”

Spock tilted his head. “I am courting you.”

“Exactly. Do you think perhaps this might be my version of the same?”

Spock opened his mouth and closed it. Then, “But I do not need this.”

Jim sighed but he smiled. “Relax. I’m not using my credits for this place.”

“You are not?”

“No. This is all paid for by someone else.”

“Who?”

“Admiral Warren. It’s his personally owned suite.”

Spock frowned slightly. “Why would he allow you to use his personal suite?”

Jim flashed a smile. “He likes me.”

“Was he…” Spock shook his head.

“Are you asking me if he likes me because he fucked me?”

Spock felt himself blush. “No.”

“Liar.” Jim chuckled and walked over to where Spock stood. He put his arms around Spock’s neck. “Luckily for you, I’m too much in love with you to care.”

“Yes?”

“Uh-huh. So you might just want to say you’re sorry.”

“I did not say—”

“Is that really what you want to say, Commander?”

Spock cleared his throat as he gazed into Jim’s too blue eyes. “I apologize for any assumptions.”

Jim kissed him softly on the lips. “Apology accepted. Now let’s enjoy our five days on Risa hopefully stress free with lots of sex.”

Spock quirked a brow. “When should we start?”

“I’d like it to be now, but really I did promise to be on time for Thanksgiving.” Jim sighed with obvious reluctance. “I’m gonna grab a quick shower and get ready.”

Spock straightened. “Perhaps a shared shower would save time.”

“Oh, hell. You deserve a promotion for that.” Jim grabbed Spock’s hand and pulled him toward the bathroom. “We don’t have time for full on sex but a couple of mutual hand jobs? I’m all over that.”

“And you are wasting time talking about it.”

****

“That’s the Vegetarian table there.” Nyota pointed out to Spock in the restaurant they had booked. “Obviously we can’t all eat at the same time, so we’re doing it in shifts. Over there is the table with the turkeys and that table in the middle is other non-vegetarian dishes.”

Spock nodded. “Everything has been set up well. You did an adequate job, Nyota.”

She smirked. “Thanks, Spock.” She watched Jim talking with Dr. McCoy for several seconds then looked back at Spock. “He looks happy.”

“Indeed. I believe this shore leave will be good for him.”

“And you? Are you happy? You know…I’ve never believed that Vulcans don’t feel happy. I know they feel sorrow, grief.” She touched his arm. “He makes you happy, doesn’t he?”

Spock barely hesitated. “Yes. And for that I am gratified. Is that not the point of this holiday? To share what we are grateful for?”

“Yes.” She smiled. “So you are grateful for Jim Kirk?”

“I am,” he said softy

“I am glad for you,ndugu yangu.” She leaned up to kiss his cheek, then with a wave walked away to join Mr. Scott.   

Jim approached him then. “Everything all right?”

“Indeed. Shall we begin?”

“We shall. I’m starved. And Mr. Spock?”

“Captain?”

“Happy Thanksgiving.”


	16. Not Quite Worthy

There was a balcony off the living room and Jim opened the French style doors onto it as soon as they returned from the Thanksgiving celebration. Spock had gone into the bedroom to spend some time meditating.

This part of Risa was warm, and so as Jim watched the beautiful waterfalls, he enjoyed the warmth on his face. It had never been warm in Riverside for Thanksgiving.

In fact Jim remembered a Thanksgiving when he’d had a huge fight with Frank and he’d left the house, wandering around for hours without a coat. By the time he’d gone home he was cold and wet and fucking miserable. Frank punched him in the jaw for making him ‘worry’.

Jim shook his head and went back into the room to pour himself a glass of wine. The kitchen had been fully stocked, including with alcohol. He went back outside and sat in a lounge chair to sip his wine.

“To Admiral Warren,” Jim murmured as he took a sip.    

Warren was a big pain in the ass like all admirals, but at least he hadn’t been a psychotic maniac who wanted to start a Klingon war.

“Jim?”

“Out here, Spock.”

Spock stepped onto the balcony. He went to stand at the railing to look out.

“Nice, huh?”

“It is pleasing enough.”

Jim chuckled. “What does it take to impress you?”

Spock turned from the beauty and went to sit on the edge of the lounge next to Jim. “I am impressed by you.”

“Yeah?” Jim finished off his wine. He licked the last remnants of the semi-sour wine off his lips. He glanced over at Spock and realized Spock was staring at him very intently. He cleared his throat. “Meditation go all right?”

“Indeed.” Spock’s gaze lowered to Jim’s lips.

“Mr. Spock, are you coming on to me?”

“Affirmative.” Spock’s gaze rose to meet Jim’s. “I suggest we go inside to the bedroom.”

Jim nodded, smiling. “We could do that, yes. Or…”

Spock quirked a brow. “Or?”

“Do you see anyone else around, Spock?”

“Captain?”

Jim laughed. “It’s just us. There’s no other suites that face this way. Admiral Warren insisted on that. No one can see us.”

“Are you-you suggesting we-we—”

“Right now here, yes.”

“I am not certain.”

“Oh, come on, Spock. Where’s your sense of adventure?”

“I thought you were aware I did not have one.”

“All right,” Jim said with a smile. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

He stood and stepped over to Spock, reaching down to help him up. Jim cupped Spock’s jaw.

“Do you know how gorgeous you are?” Jim murmured, kissing the corner of Spock’s mouth. “I can’t wait to be with you.”

Spock closed his eyes and exhaled slowly, his arms coming around Jim, one hand around Jim’s waist, the other on Jim’s ass. Jim’s cock instantly perked up.

“I am eager to be with you also,” Spock said softly.

“Good, because—Spock!”

Spock had lifted Jim off the ground and into his arms. Spock crushed Jim’s lips under his as he carried him inside the suite and through the living room area straight to the bedroom.

Jim was thrown onto the bed with enough force that he bounced on the mattress. Spock was tugging at Jim’s shoes and growling.

“Okay, okay,” Jim said, batting Spock’s grabby hands with a laugh. “I’ll get rid of mine, you get rid of yours.”

Jim stripped pretty much in record time, and admittedly he had a lot of experience in getting naked, while Spock was slowly and methodically removing his and folding them to put aside.

“Spock.”

“I am almost done.”

“Spock.”

“Patience, Captain.”

Jim sighed and reached for his own cock to begin stroking it.

Spock, now nude, turned to him with a raised eyebrow.

Jim smiled. “I never said I wouldn’t start without you. But damn, you really are amazingly beautiful.”

There was high green color on Spock’s cheeks. “You are the one who is beautiful, Jim. Do you have lubricant to assist with the penetration?”

Jim’s jaw draw opened. “Oh God. I can’t believe you just said that word.”

“Lubricant?”

Jim licked his lips. “Yeah. Um. Yeah. My suitcase.”

He started to get up from the bed but Spock shook his head. “I will get it.”

A moment later, Spock pulled out the bottle of lube out of Jim’s suitcase.

“Though I do produce lubricant, I want to be sure there is enough so you experience no discomfort when I penetrate you.”

Jim bit his lip. “Can we get to that part already?”

Spock knelt on the bed. “I never realized how impatient you were.”

“I’ve waited a long time to have you.”

Spock scooted up the bed until he hovered directly over Jim. “I have waited for you also.”

Jim’s heart constricted as he stared into those warm brown eyes. “I can’t believe this is real.”

“It is, my James. Taluhk nash-veh k'du.”

Jim threaded his fingers into Spock’s hair and drew him down for a kiss.

****

Spock gasped as he emptied into Jim. Jim’s eyes rolled back as he found his own release as he felt himself be filled by the Vulcan. He screamed himself hoarse as Spock held him close.

“Wow,” Jim whispered. “That was-that was…”

“Quite.”

“Merry Christmas to me.”

Spock lifted off Jim slightly to stare down at him. “It is not yet Christmas.”

“Close enough. I don’t need any other present but you.”

“Presents,” Spock said slowly. “Are we doing presents?”

“It’s kind of traditional, I guess.” Jim shook his head. “I think you’re missing the point.”

“What is the point?”

Jim sighed. “Having you as my boyfriend is the best gift I’ve ever gotten.”

Spock closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against Jim’s. “You are worthy of all I have to give and more.”

Jim shook his head slightly.

“Yes.” Spock kissed him softly. “Everything.”

Jim held him tight. Spock was wrong, of course. Jim wasn’t worthy of him at all. But he still wanted to be with him. No matter whether he deserved Spock.


	17. Captain Grinch

“There’s a Christmas tree in my transporter room,” Jim said to Bones as they walked down the corridor away from said room.

Bones shrugged. “You did tell the crew they could decorate for the holidays, Jim.”

“But there’s a Christmas tree in my transporter room.”

“I think I recall the words ‘go all out’.”

“They actually took me seriously?” Jim shook his head as they entered the turbolift.

“Is it my imagination or are you walking a little funny?” Bones asked.

Jim nodded. “I’m a little sore.”

“From what?”

“Shore leave.”

Bones frowned. “What did you do to make you sore?”

“Um.” Jim sighed. “Look, Bones. Um. Let’s just say Spock really likes sex.”

Bones sputtered. “Why the hell did you have to say that?”

“Well, you kept pushing.”

“Now I have this horrible image of the two of you…oh God. I need brain bleach.”

Jim grinned. “Next time, mind your own business.”

“I was going to have you checked down at the medbay. I’ll pass on that, thanks.”

“So will I.”

“Where is the Vulcan lothario anyway?”

“He beamed aboard earlier than me. Wanted to check on his experiments.”

The doors opened onto the bridge and Jim realized Bones was following him. Jim frowned as he took in the decorated bridge.

“Uhura?”

“Captain?”

“No tinsel on my damn chair.”

She smirked. “Sorry, sir. I believe that was your yeoman.” She walked over to his chair and removed the silver strands.

Jim sat in his chair and rubbed his hands over the arms.

“Do you two want to be alone?” Bones teased.

“Funny. Aren’t you due in the medbay or something?”

“In a minute. I wanted to ask you something.”

Jim eyed his friend. “Okay?”

“When are you and Spock going to log in your relationship?”

“Wait. What?”

Bones sighed. “Come on, Jim. Don’t play dumb. You know you have to make an official record of your being romantically involved.”

“Can’t we put it off for a bit?”

“You’re better off getting it over with. And it’s better coming from you then someone else from your crew who decides to let them know.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to Spock. Anything else?”

“Are we exchanging Christmas presents?”

Jim frowned. “Who’s we?”

“You and me.”

“Yeah, sure, why not?”

Bones nodded. “Okay. And if you need a shot or something let me know.”

“A shot?”

“For the soreness,” Bones replied with a smirk.

****

When his shift was over, Jim headed into the turbolift. Immediately he was assailed with some song about a snowy Christmas sung by some old Earth singer named Bing Crosby.

“Kirk to Scott.”

“Scott here, Captain.”

“Scotty, did I approve the piping in of Christmas music into the turbolifts?”

“Aye, Captain.”

“Hm. Okay. Kirk out.”

He made his way to his quarters and noticed his yeoman had put up a tiny Christmas tree in the corner with little mini-ornaments. He shook his head and considered taking it down but then he’d be called Captain Grinch or something all over the ship.

He stripped and turned on the water feature of his shower and got in, closing his eyes.

Jim heard the door open a short time later and he smiled to himself as strong arms encircled his waist, pulling him flush against muscular abs.

“Mm. Your experiments over?”

Spock’s teeth latched on to the pulse at his throat. “Indeed. For now.” A hand dropped down to graze over a rounded cheek. “You are tense.”

“Probably why I’m in here taking a nice hot shower.” The hand massaged his lower back and Jim groaned. “God, that feels good.”

“No deity is responsible,” Spock murmured, amused.

Fingers parted his cheeks and Jim leaned back into Spock.

Whispered words to his ear, “You are not too sore?”

“I’m sore. Too sore? Bring it on.”

Spock’s cock rubbed against his crease, once, twice, three times.

“Oh now you’re just teasing.”

“Perhaps. Or perhaps I enjoy the sight of my member pulsing against your perfect flesh.”

“Perhaps you should get to the task of fucking me, hmm?”

“Is that an order, Captain?”

Jim laughed low. “A plea.”

Spock growled and pushed inside Jim, in one sharp, deep thrust, past the tight muscle and fully embedded. Jim’s hands slid on the tile as he scrambled for purchase as Spock began to move within him.

“Spock, ohmygod,” he gasped, running the words together in a rush as Spock’s cock pushed against his prostate over and over.

Spock had one hand on Jim’s hipbone, holding him in place, but the other he moved around to in front of Jim, closing his long, elegant fingers around Jim’s aching cock.

“Nhhhhhh.”

Jim thrust back at Spock, impaling himself deeper still on that double-ridged Vulcan cock. Spock once more sunk his teeth into Jim’s neck, hard enough to mark him, Jim was sure. They both lost themselves to the joining, loud pants mingled with the slap of balls were the only sounds in the bathroom.

Until Spock’s thrusts sped up and he began to exclaim in Vulcan, even as he jerked Jim’s cock roughly. But Jim didn’t mind, in fact, he yearned for it.

“Spock!” he yelled as he splattered cum over the bathroom tile. A moment later, he felt Spock jerk, then pump into him.

Jim was turned then and lifted into Spock’s arms so that his legs wrapped around Spock’s waist as he kissed him thoroughly until they were breathless.

Jim cupped Spock’s jaw. “Bones says we need to declare our relationship to Starfleet.”

“I have already filed the report.”

Jim blinked, raised his eyebrows. “You filed _another_ report without checking with me?”

“Jim, I thought under the circumstances—”

He laughed. “Spock, I’m teasing.” He kissed Spock softly. “I know you are very efficient.”

“Affirmative.”

“The water’s turning cold.”

“It is. It is time to get out.” Spock leaned over and shut off the water.

“You can put me down. I can walk into my quarters.”

“I am certain. However I will carry you.” Spock exited the shower.

“Spock, I don’t need to be carried.”

Spock ignored him and carried him back into his quarters and over to the bed. They were suddenly both lying upon the mattress, Jim underneath hard Vulcan muscle. “You were saying?”

“Merry Christmas to me.”

“You have already said that.”

Jim smiled. “You’re the gift that keeps on giving.”

Spock arched a brow. “I think it is time to give you something now.” He slid down Jim’s body toward his cock.

“Ohmygod.”


	18. Our Own Moment

Spock found Jim in an observation room long after his shift had ended. He had returned to Jim’s quarters—Spock had almost been thinking of them as their quarters since he spent all his time there now—only to find them empty. He’d gone to his own assigned quarters and found the emptiness there far more pronounced.

Still he’d spent an hour meditating there before once more seeking out Jim in his quarters, to no avail. After checking with the medbay, Spock finally requested the information directly from the computer.

Jim was alone in this particular room on the observation deck. His arms were folded in front of his chest and he gazed out at the stars. Spock spotted the tightness of Jim’s shoulders and the rigidness in his stance.

He opened his mouth to say ‘Captain’ but then closed it. They were alone, and though, yes, Jim was and always would be Spock’s captain, he was so much more to Spock than Spock had ever thought would be possible.

“Jim,” he said softly.

Jim glanced at him briefly and in such a way Spock understood that Jim had been aware of his presence and approach. “Hi.”

Spock’s heart clenched in his side. It was never a pleasure to see Jim in distress, but now when it was entirely possible Spock bore some responsibility for that distress, Spock could not help but answer the distress with some of his own.

“You are…unwell?”

“No.” Jim’s voice was whisper soft.

“What then?”

“I don’t think I can do this, Spock.”

Spock’s heart nearly ceased to beat. His mind went immediately to the worst case scenario. “You wish to end our relationship?” He tried to hide the anguish in his tone but did not believe he succeeded.

Startled blue eyes flicked to him. “What?”

“You said you did not think you could do this.”

“Spock, no!” Jim’s hands were on Spock’s biceps, drawing him near. “I didn’t mean you and me.”

Spock let that sink in. “I am relieved.”

“Spock, you’re the one thing that has happened recently that has been truly fantastic. I’m so in love with you sometimes I can’t even stand it.”

That made no sense to Spock but he nodded nevertheless. Jim was smiling now and that in itself was a huge burden lifted from Spock’s shoulders.

“Then what is it?” Spock was able to ask.

Jim sighed and released Spock, turning away. “All this Christmas celebrating.”

“Clarify.”

“When I was a kid, pretty little really, I went and got a small tree and some second hand decorations at a store for that kind of thing. All my friends were doing Christmas, you know? And I felt left out and stupid that I didn’t get to. Mom wasn’t anywhere as usual. Frank was too busy drinking. He always claimed we didn’t have enough money to do Christmas anyway. Well, that year, I got money doing things for other people and I got the tree and decorations.”

Jim looked far off, not at the stars, Spock thought, but at the past.

“I put it all up myself,” Jim’s voice was raw, raspy. “It looked pretty good, I thought. Then Frank came home and saw it. He went nuts. Started screaming and yelling. He picked up the tree, decorations and all, and brought them outside to the trash. I begged him to stop. He wouldn’t. He laughed and called me names. Then he fucked me up. Busted my lip open. Gave me a black eye. I was bleeding everywhere. It was horrible. Beyond horrible.”

“Ashal-veh,” Spock whispered.

Jim shook his head. “I was crying so hard, I couldn’t even breathe. Then my brother he told me to stop crying. To stop being a baby. God, I hated them both that night.”

Spock put his arms around Jim’s waist and drew him tight against him. “I am glad they are no longer in your life.”

Jim nodded. He swallowed. Then let out a shaky breath. “I hated Christmas after that. For so long.”

“Then why did you allow the crew to celebrate?”

“Because my problems are not theirs. And really? It’s not the day, it’s my shitty family.”

Spock turned Jim so that he was facing him. He put his hands on Jim’s face. “There is nothing that can be done about the past. What has occurred before cannot be undone.”

“I know, I—”

“Allow me to finish,” Spock said gently. “I have never celebrated Christmas. You have nothing but bad memories. Together we can put that behind us. This can be the moments we know.”

Jim’s eyes were impossibly blue as he stared at Spock. “Why are you so good to me?”

“Because you are worthy. Of this and so many things. You are the bravest man I know. I am in awe of you,” Spock admitted.

“Vulcans aren’t supposed to lie.”

“Jim.”

Jim laughed a little shakily. “I know. I’m in awe of you, too.”

“Then you agree we will recreate the spirit of this holiday between us and not allow others to dictate what it should be for us?”

“Yeah, yeah, I do.” Jim smiled and kissed Spock gently. “Thank you.”

“Come. You need sleep and I have reports that still need to be done.”

“You’ll stay in my quarters?”

“I will not leave unless you throw me out.”

“That’s not going to happen.”

Spock arched a brow. “I would hope not.”

Jim smiled. “Thanks.”

“You already said that.”

“I still mean it.” Jim pulled out of Spock’s arms and they left the observation room together.


	19. What to Get the Vulcan Who Has Everything and Likes Nothing

“What are you getting Spock for Christmas?”

Jim lowered his cup of cinnamon coffee to the table as he gaped at Bones. “Huh?”

“Pointy-eared hobgoblin. Wears a blue shirt. Know-It-All. You’re sleeping with him.”

“I know all that,” Jim said impatiently.

“Then, what are you getting him for Christmas?”

“Uh. Nothing?”

“Really?” Bones raised both eyebrows and then shrugged.

Jim frowned. “You think I should?”

“Up to you.”

He bit his lip, then licked it for good measure. “Well. Spock doesn’t celebrate Christmas.”

“Uh-huh.”

“And neither do I, really.”

“All right.”

He sighed. “I’d think that Spock would think gifts were illogical.”

“Yet he’s been wooing you with gifts all along, hasn’t he?” Bones rolled his eyes. “Gave you his mother’s heart even.”

“Fuck.”

Bones smirked and lifted his own coffee mug to his lips.

“Okay. So, um, a token gift then? Nothing too expensive or extravagant. I don’t think Spock would appreciate that.”

“Probably not.”

“What the hell is a token gift for a Vulcan?”

“Jim, I don’t even know what a non-token gift for a Vulcan is.”

Jim buried his head in his hands. “Should I ask Uhura?”

“That’ll go over well,” Bones said mockingly. “’Hey, sweetheart, what should I get your ex-boyfriend who now can’t keep his hands off me’?”

“Like that’s how I would ask.”

“That’s how she would hear it, trust me.”

“Great. I hate Christmas.”

Bones laughed. “You really are Captain Grinch.”

“Shut up. You have it easy.”

“How, pray tell?”

“You don’t have to buy your Vulcan lover a present for Christmas, that’s how. I would think that would be obvious.” Jim finished his coffee and then stood up.

“Why don’t you ask his father?” Bones suggested before Jim could get away.

“Sarek? Are you nuts? I am not asking his very logical father what kind of very illogical gift I should get his son who is now spending his nights in my bed, thank you very much.”

“Too bad.” Bones grinned. “Because I’d totally love to be there when you did.”

As Jim walked away he heard Bones whistling “It’s Beginning to Look Like Christmas”.

****

“Hold the lift,” Jim called just as the doors of the turbolift he was trying to get on to almost closed. The doors re-opened and Jim slipped in. He grinned at the pretty ensign. “Thanks.”

“My pleasure, Captain,” she purred. Then she glanced up.

Jim followed her gaze to see that mistletoe hung in the turbolift above their heads. He smiled.

And then very slowly the ensign was pushed away from him. Jim blinked and saw that Spock had taken her place.

“Ensign,” Spock said coolly.

“Commander.” She turned pink and stepped even further away.

“Spock, I didn’t see you there,” Jim said sheepishly.

“Obviously.”

The ensign stopped the lift on the next floor and got off in a hurry.

Jim glanced at Spock who was looking straight ahead. He cleared his throat. “Um. It’s, you know, a tradition.”

“I see.”

“The mistletoe.”

“Traditions can be broken,” Spock replied.

Nevertheless, Jim touched his fingers to Spock’s. Spock arched his brow.

Jim cleared his throat. “So. I have a question.” He stopped the lift.

“A question?”

“What do you like?”

“What do I like?”

“Are you seriously gonna just repeat what I say?” Jim huffed. “You know. Stuff. What do you like stuff wise?”

“I do not like _stuff_.”

“Jesus.” Jim shook his head. “You must like _something_.”

“You,” Spock said quietly. “I like you.”

Jim grinned and pulled him close, planting a very satisfactory kiss on those snooty Vulcan lips. “I like you too.”

“Indeed.”

Jim sighed and restarted the lift. “Stupid Christmas,” he mumbled.


	20. Shopping

Spock found waking up next to Jim a unique experience.

When he had been engaged in a romantic relationship with Nyota the plain truth was that they rarely shared a bed for sleeping purposes. If they had intimacy, once it was over, Spock always left. There were a few times back when they were in San Francisco and the relationship was new that he had Nyota at his apartment and on those occasions she generally stayed over. But even then, Spock stayed on one side of the bed and Nyota the other. Neither of them had really been into cuddling.

It had not occurred to either of them at the time that they were ill-suited for the relationship they had started. Eventually, the cracks had begun to appear, the differences in the way they viewed almost everything, and both of them had taken note of the changes in the tone of their relationship. By the end of things, intimacy of any sort had not existed between them. Nyota, ever perceptive, had noticed his growing need to be with Jim. Always at his side.

It was not that there were any less differences between him and Jim, but they did not seem to matter to either of them, in fact it seemed to enhance their relationship rather than interfere.

  Even when they did not engage in sexual relations, Spock slept each night since they began their relationship in bed with Jim. One time when they did not Spock spent the night oddly agitated. He had not repeated the experience since and if Spock had his way, he would never have to do so.

He had not brought up bonding yet with Jim but he had every intention of doing so. It would require a side trip to New Vulcan and he was not even certain Starfleet would approve the brief interruption of their mission. But it was what Spock wanted above all things.

Jim, whose legs were tangled with Spock’s, opened his eyes quickly. He was instantly alert, no haze of sleep evident in the pools of blue. “Morning.”

Spock touched his fingers to Jim’s in greeting. “Good Morning.”

“How long have you been awake?”

“Thirty minutes. I did not wish to disturb you.” Spock leaned over Jim and kissed him lightly on the lips. “Your sleep was troubled last night.”

“Uh. Yeah. Sorry about that.”

“An apology is not required. You have no recourse to modify your dreams.”

Jim smiled. Then he sighed wearily. “I need about five cups of strong coffee and a shower.”

“I am sorry,” Spock said softly.

“For what?”

“Wearing you out last night. I would not have had I known you would not sleep well.”

“Spock, I’m not complaining about sex. I’ll never complain about that.” Jim rose from the bed, naked, and Spock stared at him as he walked over to obtain his coffee from the replicator. Jim yawned. “I have to go down to—what planet is it?”

“Talerius 7.”

“For the peace talks today. In about—” Jim looked at the time. “Three hours. I’m going to read the briefs in my quarters after my shower. You okay to take over the bridge?”

“Of course, Captain.”

Jim smiled. “You sure there’s nothing you like?”

“Clarify.”

“Stuff.”

Spock raised his brow. “Why do you ask?”

“No reason.” Jim stepped over to kiss Spock, then headed for the shower.

****

“Are you going to purchase those or not, Human?”

Jim stared at the titanium rings. He’d been staring at them for more than ten minutes. He just didn’t know. But he was late and he really needed to get going to the peace talks.

He smiled at the Taleriusian shopkeeper. “Got anything cheaper?”

“These are my finest. If you want cheap—”

“Well, since I’m getting two, how about two for the price of one?”

“Two for the price of one?” The shopkeeper shook his head. “Twenty five percent off.”

“Forty percent off,” Jim said.

“Thirty.”

“Thirty five.”

The shopkeeper snarled. “Fine. Your credit chip?”

Jim handed it over and when the transaction was complete he tucked it into his pants pocket and hurried off to his peace talks.

He had just slipped in through the doors when he was grabbed from the side,  pulled close, and hit over the head with something very hard and blunt. Jim felt a sharp pain before he went down with a crash.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	21. The Rescue

Spock heard the turbolift doors open behind the captain’s chair and knew from the sound of the footsteps approaching that Dr. McCoy was on the bridge…again. Spock had never known a chief medical officer to spend so much time away from his medical department.

“Yes, doctor?”

“Have you heard from Jim?”

“Presently the captain is engaged in peace talks.”

“So, have you heard from him?”

“There would be no reason for the captain to contact me,” Spock replied, patiently.

“Uhura to Enterprise.”

Spock hit the comm on the captain’s chair. “Spock here.”

“Have you heard from Captain Kirk?”

Spock exchanged a quick glance with McCoy. “Is he not there with you for the peace talks?”

“No, Spock. He never showed up. He’d commed me about ten minutes before to say he was running a little late but was on his way. We went into the inner chambers for the talks and he didn’t arrive. I’ve commed him several times and he isn’t answering. Are you monitoring his frequency?”

“Yes. Ensign Chekov?”

Chekov pressed a few buttons. “He iz on the planet, Kommander. And he iz alive.” Chekov frowned. “His heart rate iz wery slow.”

“Spock?”

“Stand by for further instructions, Lieutenant. Spock out.”

“Damn it,” McCoy swore. “What has Jim gotten himself into this time?”

“I do not know.”

“Well, don’t you think you’d better find out?”

Spock clenched his fist. It was the only sign of his distress he allowed himself to show. “Yes, I do.”

****

For a long time after he woke, Jim kept his eyes closed. His head felt like maybe someone had smashed in his skull for him and his brains were leaking out. But he guessed he wouldn’t be even this conscious or alive at all if that had been the case.

He could tell he was lying on hard ground on his back. He couldn’t hear much of anything. In fact it was eerily quiet. His body was twisted unnaturally. He concentrated on any other injuries besides his bashed in skull. Which was excruciatingly painful. The worst headache of his life and he’d had plenty. And been hit on the head too many times to count.

His right arm was bent at a weird angle, so likely broken. His stomach felt queasy and he had a vague pain there in his gut. He’d been beaten. Badly.

His left hand felt like it had been cut and was possibly still bleeding.

Very slowly he opened his eyes. He was grateful that wherever he was it wasn’t well lit because he was pretty sure his head couldn’t take bright lights at the moment.

“Son of a bitch.”

At least there was no answering maniacal chuckle.

“Spock, where are you?”

Damn, the ground was hard. And cold. Jim started shivering, which made his body wrack with pain. Ugh.

What the hell kind of peaceful mission was this?

Merry Christmas? This was exactly why he hated the holidays. Something always happened to fuck him over.

He was wheezing too. Not getting enough air.

He closed his eyes and then heard the sound of a transporter. He was in too much pain to open his eyes again, but he felt himself being lifted into very strong arms.

“About time you got here,” he mumbled just before his world went dark again.

****

“Jim.”

“Jim.”

“Jim.”

“Jim.”

“Shut up. I can hear you.”

Bones’ face appeared above his. “Well, then answer me.”

“You’re really loud.”

Bones hand rested against Jim’s cheek gently. “Is this better?” he asked in a low voice.

“Yeah. What’s going on?”

“You’re on the Enterprise. Sickbay. You’ll live.”

“Now that’s the way to give a concise report. Spock?”

“Still cleaning up messes down there. I’m sure he’ll be back here in no time with his eyes shining with love.”

Jim smiled a little. It didn’t hurt…so much. “Be nice to Spock.”

“That is me being nice.”

“Injuries?”

“Plenty. Cracked skull, concussion, broken right arm, contusions, cuts, a broken rib.”

“So much for peace.”

“Well, see they wanted to use you for their side.”

“I hope they lose.”

“Jim.”

“Okay, okay, neutral, I know.”

Bones smiled. “I’ve fixed you up, but you need sleep, rest, more sleep, and more rest.”

“I’m too fucked up to argue with you.”

“Oh. And, Jim?”

Jim frowned slightly at the weird look on his friend’s face. “What?”

“Your box is safe. I have it for you. Found it in your pocket.”

“My box?”

Bones cleared his throat. “Yeah, the little box you had in your pocket. With the, um, present.”

“Oh.” Jim smiled. “Thanks, Bones. Spock didn’t see it?”

“No.” Bones patted his arm. “Go to sleep.”

“Hey Bones?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks. And Merry Christmas.”

Bones squeezed Jim’s shoulder. “Go to sleep,” he said again.

Not willing to argue, Jim closed his eyes.


	22. Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day early. One Chapter to go next week. The gift exchange everyone is waiting for!

Spock watched Jim sleep for hours on end, waiting for him to wake. He had returned from cleaning up the mess of the peace talks ten hours ago. Jim still slept, though McCoy had informed him Jim briefly woke while Spock was away.

“He’ll wake up soon, Spock,” the doctor now informed him as he came into the area where Jim’s biobed lay.

“You said that before and he has not.”

“He will. I promise.”

“Promises are illogical and unnecessary.”

McCoy sighed. “Which one of us is the doctor here, Spock?”

Spock did not see the point in answering a question McCoy knew the answer to so he did not respond.

“He’s going to be fine,” McCoy said more softly. “He was completely lucid when he woke earlier.”

“Very well.”

McCoy patted Spock’s arm and grinned. “It’ll be a Christmas miracle.”

Spock recognized the doctor’s attempt at teasing but he was not especially in a mood to be amused. “I do not believe in Christmas or in miracles, doctor.”

“Figures. Let me know when he wakes up.” McCoy moved off and away, leaving Spock once more watching Jim carefully.

Eventually Spock pulled up the chair he had been using earlier. He attempted to meditate but his mind was disordered. He leaned forward.

_Wake_.

“Spock? Is the captain okay?”

Nyota. She stood at the foot of Jim’s bed. Spock attempted to turn his attention to her.

“Dr. McCoy informs me that he is, but he has not awakened in many hours.”

She smiled gently. “If Leonard says he will, then he will.”

Spock nodded.

“You really love him, don’t you?”

He nodded again.

“I’m glad. For both of you. I never thought I would be, but…I am. Let me know if there’s anything you need or I can do for either of you. Okay?”

“Yes, Nyota.”

It was another thirty minutes after Nyota left that Spock saw the first signs of Jim stirring. He rose immediately from his chair.

“Jim?”

Lashes flickered against Jim’s pale face. Spock stepped closer, his hand reaching for Jim’s. A sliver of blue appeared just as Spock’s hand closed around Jim’s.

Chapped lips parted, breathed out. The lashes flickered more rapidly and then, Jim’s eyes were fully open and staring at Spock.

“Hi.” His tongue darted out over his lips.

Spock swallowed heavily. “Hello.”

“You look a little wrecked.”

“I am no more.”

Jim’s mouth curved very slightly. “How’s the ship?”

“Adequate.”

“And how is the first officer?”

“Grateful the captain has at last awakened.”

“You were worried, huh?”

“Of course not. Vulcans do not worry.”

Jim chuckled and it was wondrous. “Can you help me sit up?”

Spock operated the mechanism on the biobed which raised the bed. Color was already coming back to Jim’s face. “How is your head?”

“Just a dull ache now.” Jim searched Spock’s gaze. “More seriously. How are you?”

“Now that you have awakened, I am well.” Spock went back to clinging onto Jim’s hand. If it was very un-Vulcanlike of him to do so, that so be it. This was the man Spock hoped to mate with forever. The forever they would have anyway.

“What day is it anyway?”

“It is the 23rd day of December.”

Jim smiled. “Ah, good. I haven’t missed it.”

“Missed what?”

“Christmas, of course. And God, I sound like I’m in some bad Christmas movie. But I have a present for you and I really want to be able to give it to you.”

“I have a present for you as well,” Spock replied.

“Yeah?” His smile widened. “I didn’t figure you did presents and stuff.”

“I do not. But in the spirit of this celebratory season on the Enterprise, I decided to participate.”

“You’re a softie at heart, Spock. Better watch that.”

Spock arched a brow. “I will not make a habit of it, Captain.”

Jim’s eyes shined. “I love you, you know that?”

“Taluhk nash-veh k'dular.”

“All right, enough mushy stuff,” McCoy said, coming into the area. “Didn’t I say to let me know when he wakes up?”

“Bones.”

“Don’t Bones me, kid.” He shoved a hypo into Jim’s neck. “And you can stop scowling at me.”

“When do I get out of here? I don’t want to be stuck here on Christmas.”

“Tomorrow and not an hour earlier.”

“You suck,” Jim said petulantly.

Dr. McCoy smirked. “Poor sweet princess. I’ll have someone bring your dinner. And you can have tea and water. No coffee yet.”

“I’m going to get you, Bones.”

McCoy leaned over and kissed Jim’s forehead. “Merry Christmas, kid.”

Jim sputtered as the doctor left them alone once more. As soon as the doctor was out of sight, Jim smiled fondly.

“Tea, Captain?”

“Why yes, Commander. Thank you.”

Spock’s lips twitched as he touched his fingers to Jim’s in a Vulcan kiss.


	23. The Moments

“I didn’t release you so you could wander around the ship, Jim.”

“I’m not wandering around the ship,” Jim told his best friend as he pulled the gift bag out from behind him. It was one of those tacky Christmas bags showing Santa Claus upside down, sticking out of the chimney. “I wanted to give you your Christmas present.”

Bones gestured for him to sit in the chair in front of his desk. “Spiked Egg nog?”

Jim smiled. “Yeah a little glass though. Spock doesn’t like it when I drink too much.”

Bones shook his head. “Never thought I’d see the day when Jim Kirk kowtowed to the ball and chain.”

“That’s hardly it, Bones.” He accepted the egg nog mixed with brandy.

“Hmm. Speaking of, have you asked him?”

“No. After this. He wanted to give a present to Uhura and I wanted to give you your present.”

“What he get her?”

“Earrings. He showed them to me. Cute. She’ll like them.”

“Wow. Your boyfriend is giving presents to his ex and you’re okay with it.”

Jim smiled. “I am, yeah.”

“You’re growing up, Jimbo.” Bones held up his glass toward Jim. “To another year. Merry Christmas.”

Jim clinked his glass with Bones. “Merry Christmas.” He took a sip. He pushed the gift bag he’d brought with him toward Bones. “Open it.”

Bones peeled back the tissue with a smile. “Ah, the best bourbon there is. And wait—is this Romulan ale?”

He shrugged. “What can I say?”

“Tsk, tsk. And you a captain and everything.” Bones grinned. “Thanks, Jim.”

“You’re welcome. You deserve more than that.”

“I sure do,” Bones agreed. “Your Christmas present is forty-eight hours off for you and Spock.” He did air quotes. “Medical leave.”

“Spock too?”

“Yep. I’ve worked it out with your relief. Forty-eight hours of shore leave basically but on the ship. And obviously if an emergency comes up like Klingons beam onto the bridge, all bets are off.”

Jim blanched. “Not funny.”

“Yeah, yeah. Merry Christmas.”

“You’re the best.”

“I know that too. You nervous?”

“Nervous?” Jim asked, his voice squeaking. “No. Why would I be nervous? You think I should be nervous?”

“Well, I—”

“I wasn’t nervous before, but now I am.”

“Jim—”

“Why’d you even have to say something?”

Bones snorted. “Relax. That Vulcan is one smitten kitten.”

Jim burst out laughing. “Spock a kitten?”

“It’s the ears.”

Jim finished his egg nog and stood. “Speaking of that kitten, I have to go. It’s almost time.”

Bones gave him one of his rare soft smiles. “I hope it’s everything you want it to be and more.”

“Thanks, Bones.”

“You’re welcome, kid. Go get him.”

****

When Jim stepped into his quarters he was startled by the three foot decorated Christmas tree in the corner. It was adorned with red and gold balls and strung with white lights. He blinked at it.

“I hope it is to your liking.”

Jim turned toward Spock, who stood not far from the tree. “You did this?”

Spock hesitated very slightly. “With Nyota’s help.”

“It’s beautiful and unexpected.” Jim went to Spock and kissed him. “Thank you.”

“I am aware you did not like the one your yeoman put up earlier. But it occurred to me you might now appreciate some element of festivity.”

“You really are something, Spock.” Jim went to the tree and stared at it for several moments.

“If it brings back bad memories, I will take it down,” Spock said softly from behind him.

“No, no. It’s beautiful,” Jim whispered, his stomach in knots.

“Are you well? Perhaps Dr. McCoy released you with undue haste.”

“No, Spock. I’m just…I’m a little nervous about giving you your present,” Jim admitted.

“Then perhaps I will give my present to you first,” Spock suggested.

Jim smiled. “Okay. Sure.”

Spock led him over to sit on the couch and then he disappeared into Jim’s bathroom. Jim shook his head, bemused.

Spock came back out with a flat, square silver wrapped package with a velvet green bow. He held it out for Jim.

Jim tore the paper off and stared at the framed object he held.

“The insignia on the left was the Starfleet symbol from your father’s first uniform. The one on the right was the Starfleet symbol from Admiral Pike’s first uniform.”

Each symbol was on a scarp of material from Jim suspected was their original uniform shirts. They had been sewn together, side by side and then framed. It was stunning.

A lump so big filled Jim’s throat he could not get any words out. His eyes filled with tears. His vision blurred as he could not keep the tears from flowing down his cheeks.

“Jim, I…if I have failed to present you with a gift in the spirit that is intended, I apologize.” Spock looked completely stricken.

“No.” Jim shook his head rapidly. “No. I-it’s perfect.”

Spock knelt in front of him and took his hands. “But if you are upset—”

“I’m not upset. I’m overwhelmed.” Jim let out a shaky breath. “How did you—”

“I obtained your father’s from your mother and Admiral Pike’s from his wife. It was Number One who interwove them together.”

“Spock, I really love you,” Jim whispered.

“I am gratified to hear it,” Spock murmured, rising up slightly to kiss Jim.

For a long time they just kissed and Jim could taste his own tears. Then finally, he pulled away. “Now, your turn.”

Jim rose and made Spock trade places with him. His heart in his throat, he went into the top drawer of his wardrobe and took out the little ring box. His heart was beating so hard he was surprised it wasn’t bursting out like one of those old cartoon characters.

He turned and walked over to Spock.

“I have no idea what I’m doing, but that’s never stopped me, so here I go.” Jim dropped down to one knee and held out the box. “I don’t know any flowery words and really, I just want to get straight to the point anyway, I love you, I’ve loved you forever and I’ll love you forever, will you marry me?”

Spock’s eyes were intense pools of chocolate as he stared at the rings Jim held out. Then his gaze rose to Jim’s. What Jim saw there made his heart almost stop. He had never seen such depth of feeling ever. It humbled him.

“Yes,” Spock said simply.

Jim’s face split into a wide grin. “Yeah?”

“There is nothing I would like more than to be your husband, ashayam. If you will be my bondmate also.”

“Bondmate?” Jim asked, a little in awe. “You’d want that with me?”

“I want everything with you. I want forever with you. Always.”

Just as Jim was about to rise, Spock slid off the couch onto the floor beside him. His hands came up to frame Jim’s face.

“Will you meld with me?” Spock’s fingers move to his psi points.

“Anything,” Jim breathed. His heart leapt into his throat as Spock entered his mind.

And as they joined together, Jim let the wonder of the season and the day wash over him. This was indeed the moments they knew and it made his heart light and free.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas  
> And Happy New Year too.  
> I hope you loved reading this as much as I liked writing it.


End file.
